


tread softly my dear

by Sweven



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Loss, Minor Character Death, Seduction to the Dark Side, Slow Burn, That's Not How The Force Works, The Dark Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-04-21 15:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14288247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweven/pseuds/Sweven
Summary: A story about loss and choices. We shape who we want to become.For Ahsoka: AU from Twilight of the ApprenticeFor Asajj: AU from mid-Dark Disciple





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to @shadowsong26x for the beta and to @wrennette for illustrating!

Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, her heart heavy with grief and with betrayal running deep. A quiet grief simmered within her, one she carefully held in check, but the loss of her title and everything that came with it pained her.   
As she walked down the long stairs from the Jedi Temple, Ahsoka thought of Barriss Offee, her friend and companion who was still dear to her heart even now.   
There was no comfort to be found in the knowledge that the Mirialan would be rotting in a Coruscantian prison for the rest of her life, no satisfaction.   
  
Ahsoka looked down on her hands as she turned another corner, walking aimlessly, but heading downwards into the darkness of Coruscant . ‘ _Useless_ ,’ she thought.   
Barriss had been a friend. Ahsoka had wanted her to be more, had felt lightheaded whenever Barriss had been around. She couldn’t help but think that maybe Barriss _could_ have become more, if Ahsoka hadn’t failed her.   
Ahsoka hadn’t even been able to save her friend, to see her plight before it was too late. What good was she if she couldn’t even protect the ones she cared about?  
  


Ahsoka wondered at her situation as she sat cross-legged in the drab, grey room, her attention wandering from the attempted meditation.   
She was in the underbelly of Coruscant, far beneath the upper terraces where the Sun cast its warm light upon the cityscape. Sunlight hadn’t touched this place for hundreds of years, and somehow it felt right to Ahsoka that she should be here in her moment of failure.  
  
Ahsoka had wandered further beneath the surface than she had ever gone before, eager to put distance between herself and the Order. Finally, when she’d been tired to the bone, she’d found this dirty, simple room that no one cared about enough to even rent out. And here she sat — alone and away from the Order, just as she’d wanted.  
  
Despite her eagerness to disappear from the Order’s watchful eyes, Ahsoka missed them already. The Jedi Order had been many things and Ahsoka knew more intimately than most that they weren’t perfect, but she had been raised in the Temple.   
Every Jedi there was a sibling, a mentor, a parent. To Ahsoka, the Jedi would always be family, no matter the mistakes they’d made.

She could return, Ahsoka knew that in her heart of hearts.   
They’d forgive her her minor transgressions without asking questions. They’d look past her unbridled display of emotion and attachment and initiate her as a Knight of the Order, Master Obi-Wan would make sure of it.  
She’d be able to see Anakin again, to hug him close and heal their fractured bond.   
She could soothe the pain and worry that crept through it even now, even diminished as it had already become.   
She’d get to sleep in her own quarters surrounded by the comfortable familiarity of the Order.   
The Council would keep her busy and she wouldn’t have time to dwell on what had happened, she’d be in the field, offering aid wherever she went and bringing a bit of peace with her.  
  
Ahsoka wanted none of it. The mere thought of returning, of the members of the Council looking down at her from their elevated seats with benevolence and forgiveness that wasn’t theirs to give, sent a twinge of anger into her stomach.   
_‘No,’_ Ahsoka thought, _‘there will be no returning to the Jedi Order.’_  
All Padawans toyed with the idea of a life outside of the Order, some more than others. Ahsoka herself had considered it in a fleeting, hypothetical way, but she’d always found comfort in knowing her position and her mission.  
  
Sighing, Ahsoka gave up on meditating and lay down on the hard floor. The cold seeped into her bones quickly but she’d slept in worse places during missions, and at least the room was shielded from the masses on the streets.  
  
Ahsoka laid on her back, and listened to the sounds of the streets surrounding her tiny flat.   
There was danger here, signs of crime and disease echoed through the Force. Ahsoka shuddered as she took in the sensations.   
The people who lived on these levels were poor beyond measure and many lived lives she could hardly imagine. She could feel their squalor through the Force, felt their longing for the surface, for a better life.  
  
And underneath it all… There was hope.   
Hope that someday, something would improve. Their hope bled into desperation, into fear and anger, and back into hope.

Ahsoka didn’t understand. In this place with so little to give, how could they keep going on hope alone?

It was comforting, in a sense. Ahsoka had always thought of herself as durable and independent, she’d gotten out of no-win situations countless times before. She was alone now, alone and afraid of the future, but hope would return.   
This wouldn’t break her, she decided.   
  
Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, and she didn’t know what she would do next.   
But she knew that somehow, someday, she would be alright.   
The lingering fear and anger in the pit of her stomach was easy to suppress.   
Hope would replace it soon enough, she was certain of it.

 

* * *

  


Asajj Ventress carried Quinlan Vos’ limp body to the Jedi Temple after the fight with Dooku.  
  
The fight was burnt into her mind, blurry with rain and the pain of the head wound she’d suffered. She and Quinlan had tried so hard to carry out their mission, but in the end Dooku had proven too much for them, _again_.   
She’d fallen to the balcony below, so terribly far down, and had only seen flashes from the lightning.   
A scream had escaped her throat as she’d seen Quinlan’s body topple over the railing and disappear into the void below. Asajj had swayed as she’d gotten up, her concussion making her vision blacken for a moment.   
  
She’d cast a single glance at Dooku as he stood far above her, lightning still crackling at his fingertips. He had been too far away for her to see his face, but she hadn’t needed to see it to know his expression.   
  
Asajj knew it well.   
  
She’d seen the tightness of his upper lip countless times before, curled in distaste and disappointment. Sometimes she still saw that face in her nightmares, followed by cruel words or distant memories of pain.   
  
Asajj had looked away from her former master and jumped into the darkness, hoping against hope that her lover had survived the fall.

  


Now she stood in the courtyard of the Jedi Temple with fury in the set of her back, and _demanded_ attention.   
Quinlan Vos lay before her, his body broken and his spirit gone and Asajj hated being here, hated waiting, hated the corpse in front of her.  
It took only seconds for the Temple Guards to notice her as she stood with rage pulsating off of her in waves. They rushed forward, and with ignited lightsabers they formed a front between her and the rest of the Temple.

A tiny green creature pushed his way through the line of Guards. He was so small and ancient, so seemingly harmless that Asajj still had a hard time believing that this was the great Jedi Master Yoda.  
Asajj waited until Yoda was close enough to see the trickle of dried blood on Quinlan’s face.   
With flinty eyes she watched his ears droop as he took in the sight of his fellow Master, a man who had been so full of life and vigour, now lying cold on the ground.   
  
In an instant, the ancient Jedi Master seemed hundreds of years older.  
»Brought him to us, you did. For this, we thank you,« the goblin spoke softly and sincerely, and Asajj _hated_ him, _hated_ how genuine he sounded.  
  
»You did this, Jedi,« Asajj snarled with venom in her voice. »Dooku struck the final blow, but you lot sent him to the slaughter.«  
Asajj heard the incessant drumming of her blood in her ears. She felt the fury rise within her as the green imp just looked at her with sad eyes.   
She heard the Dark Side calling her, screaming at her to let go, to draw her saber, and bring righteous justice down upon the Jedi.   
  
Asajj looked at the Jedi that had gathered, the Padawans, the Knights, the Masters, and a grimace twisted her features into a snarl.   
She blamed them, every single one of them, wanted all of them dead. Asajj was tempted to give herself over to the blind rage of the Dark Side once again, to throw away the balance she’d precariously maintained for so long.  
  
Asajj tore herself from her fury.   
She pulled back, forced herself to balance on the edge of the Dark Side once again, and loathed the smile on Yoda’s lip as he felt her do so.   
The Dark Side was a part of her, now and always, but Asajj refused to be governed by it as she had been before. Never again.  
  
»You all did this,« Asajj spat at the crowd and turned to leave.  
  
»That’s an oversimplification,« a familiar voice rang out, and Asajj swivelled on her heel. She knew this man well, she’d fought with him at her side and had even grown to enjoy their encounters to a certain extent, but now…she _loathed_ the sight of him.  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped through the crowd and Asajj saw his face tighten at the sight of Quinlan on the ground. They’d been close, she knew.   
A small flicker of sympathy ran through her despite her anger — she knew the pain on his face, knew it intimately.   
  
It was hers as well.  
  
The red-haired man tore his eyes from the dead man between them. »This was your doing as well, Ventress. We sent him to you, that was our mistake, but _you_ …«   
A sneer of disgust disfigured Obi-Wan’s otherwise lovely features, and Asajj thought that, had the man been less civilised, he might have spat on her. »You twisted him, turned him from our teachings. You made him _weak_. This is your fault, as much as ours.«  
  
Asajj drew in a sharp breath as she reached for her lightsaber, every fibre of her being urging her to strike the man down where he stood for his words.   
Yoda stilled her hand with nothing but a small sigh and a tap of his cane.   
‘ _Such power_ ,’ Asajj thought, suddenly remembering how easily he’d stopped her on Rugosa.   
Their meeting on the moon had been a small eternity ago, she was stronger now, far more in control than she had been back then, but the immensity of power that radiated from him overwhelmed her. His Force Aura lay as a heavy blanket in the air, and Asajj was stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
»Stay with us, you should,« the Master said and for the shortest of instants, Asajj felt tempted. To learn from this Master of the Force, to give herself over to the Temple, to gain the life the Rattatak warlords had stolen from her so long ago…  
  
The moment passed and Asajj stepped away from the body in front of her, casting one lingering gaze at his pallid features.   
Even in death he was striking. The harsh yellow stripe running across his nose, his sharp jaw and the curve of his lips made her heart feel tight and pained.   
It all reminded her that she would never again get to shake her head at his inane jokes, that he’d never wrap her in his arms again. Asajj felt bile rising in her throat at the knowledge that Quinlan Vos, Jedi maverick, jester, _lover_ , was irrevocably dead.  
  
Asajj walked backwards a few steps, away from the tiny green imp and his theatre of followers, her eyes trained on the man she had thought would be her future everything.  
  
With a fleeting glance at the Jedi gathered in the courtyard, Asajj Ventress turned her back on them and walked away with the simmering fury in her belly as her only companion.

 

* * *

  


The Galaxy was changing.   
Everyone felt it, from the furthermost reaches of the Outer Rim to the inner workings of the Republic Senate.  
The Clone Wars raged harder than ever and worry seeped into the very pores of the citizens of the Republic and the Separatist Union alike.

Ahsoka Tano felt it on her path wherever she went. She walked among the people who lived in the middle of the war, seeking their companionship. Everywhere she felt their desperation and fear and saw the way that they would bend their backs as if they wanted to curl in on themselves.  
  
Ahsoka saw the worry in the faces of children who had never known anything but war and suffering, and in the faces of their elders who were slowly but surely losing hope that the horrors would ever cease.   
She found the injustice to be infuriating and unnecessary, and soon any mention of Jedi Generals would sour her mood without her noticing.

Asajj Ventress walked alone.   
Wherever she went, she brought her grief and suffering with her, intent on spreading it as far and as wide as she could.   
Losing Quinlan had wounded her and the mere thought of never seeing his stupid smile again made her heart ache. Sharing the pain made it easier to bear.  
Bounty hunting paid well during the Clone Wars, and when Asajj took down a mark, she saw her pain reflected in the families of her marks, felt some semblance of the connection that she longed for.   
She craved that moment of shared anguish, though the thrill of satisfaction it sent down her back made her nauseous.  
  
The lure of the Dark Side was no stranger to Asajj.   
She knew it as well as she knew the back of her hand, but it beckoned her continually. It called to her and made promises of peace and companionship, of closure if she’d just lean into it entirely, if she’d just give herself over to it, body and spirit. Asajj ignored it as best she could.   
She teetered on the edge of the knife’s edge, taking care to balance herself more carefully than she’d ever done before.   
She wasn’t sure that she always succeeded.


	2. Chapter 2

Ahsoka felt like she was being watched.   
She looked discreetly over her shoulder, but the city of Nar Shaddaa obscured every sense she had of her surroundings.   
The moon was like a shroud to her senses. The dark stillness between the tall buildings contrasted the intensity of the noisy people in the squares so starkly that it made her montrals hurt, even muffled as they were by a thick cowl. She wasn’t surprised that the smuggler’s moon was almost entirely devoid of Togruta, differentiating the vibrations was almost impossible.  
  
Something was different though. She couldn’t pinpoint the origin of the disturbance, but it was there, she could _feel_ it.   
  
Ahsoka made her way across the square filled with tense Weequay and Devaronians, willing them to leave her be, and gently soothed their instinct to grab their blasters at the sight of a stranger crossing their domain.   
  
Whoever the presence following her was, she didn’t need to make a scene here.   
  
The moon was full of criminals and desperate souls and allowing a potentially hostile situation to get out of hand would be catastrophic.   
  
She felt her hands twitch, wanting to reach for the lightsabers that weren’t there, wanting desperately to drop into a defensive stance and face the threats head-on.   
  
The fear was dangerous, she knew. The soothing Force trick she was trying to pull on her surroundings was fading, flickering with her lack of confidence. The gang members in the square were getting unsettled and they had started to break free from her influence.   
Ahsoka breathed in deeply and let the breath settle within her for a moment. She breathed out slowly, forcing herself to relax and let go of the fear, and she radiated calmness with all her being.   
The group of Weequay nearest to her shook their heads slowly but allowed her to pass without incident.   
  
They were left confused and slightly dazed and Ahsoka smiled a tiny smile. She might have left her sabers with the Jedi Council, but she was never without weapons.

  


Ahsoka walked downward, seeking the lower levels of the city-moon on purpose. She carefully made her way through narrow corridors and disused ventilation systems, eager to avoid the masses of people on the main streets.   
  
The presence she’d sensed still followed her, but at a distance.   
Ahsoka rounded another nondescript corner. She was losing sight of where she was going, she realised, and these streets had no logical layout, nothing that could help her shake the person following her or lure them into a trap.   
_‘Maybe coming down here was a mistake,’_ Ahsoka thought and a cold trickle ran down her back.  
  
»Well, well, well…,« a voice sounded from above, and again Ahsoka fought the instinct to draw her sabers. Years and years of training were hard to let go of.  
  
»Look what the lothcat dragged in,« the drawl came from the shadows, drawn out and lazy, each syllable sharpened in a way that Ahsoka thought sounded familiar, but placing it was difficult.   
  
Her stalker stepped out from the shadows, and Ahsoka gasped.   
»Ventress?,« she asked incredulously. Why had the former Sith followed her?   
  
Ventress jumped onto the street with natural grace, limbs nimbly folding underneath her. She stalked towards Ahsoka with narrowed eyes and her dark lips curled into a sneer, lightsaber in hand though she had not yet lit it.   
She was the picture of hostility and Ahsoka tried frantically to remember why they might be enemies again.   
  
Last they’d seen each other, Ahsoka had been a wanted fugitive and Ventress had helped her. Ahsoka couldn’t for the life of her figure out what had changed.   
  
The Dathomirian stopped a few lengths from Ahsoka. »I didn’t peg you as the Nar Shaddaa type, Tano. Wandering these levels unarmed is unwise,« the woman said and it sounded like a threat.   
  
»Hello, Ventress,« Ahsoka replied lightly, hoping to distract the woman until she figured out what this was about. »It’s been a while, how’s life?«  
  
Ventress raised an eyebrow, her purple tattoos seeming darker than usual in the stark, white light. »Why are you here, Tano?,« Ventress shot back with ice in her voice, ignoring Ahsoka’s question entirely. »Did your Order send you to bring me in?«  
  
Appraising the situation, Ahsoka leaned back on her heels and looked carefully at Ventress. Usually the Nightsister hadn’t minded a bit of banter, but she seemed to have lost all interest in pleasantries today.   
The woman had always been inhumanly slim, all wiry muscles and spindly limbs, but now her eyes were sunken in their sockets. The jacket she wore was loose and far less fitted than anything Ahsoka had ever seen her in and spidery fingers twitched on the hilt of her lightsaber.   
Ahsoka felt a twinge of compassion for the woman. Something had happened, and Ahsoka felt honour bound to repay the help she’d given when Ahsoka had been in need.  
  
»I left the Order after we saw each other last,« Ahsoka said gently and took a careful step forward. »I haven’t been sent by anyone, I didn’t even know you were on Nar Shaddaa until you started following me.«  
  
A pair of Duros entered the narrow alley behind Ahsoka and with a snarl Ventress folded into a crouch and flicked her lightsaber on. One of the Duros gave a frightened squeak and the pair quickly turned and fled. Ahsoka couldn’t blame them, Ventress looked like she was ready to rip them limb from limb.  
  
The hum of the lightsaber resounded in the quiet alley, the yellow saber casting long shadows on the walls and Ahsoka’s confusion intensified as she tried to make sense of Ventress’ accusation. »Why would the Jedi want me to bring you to the Temple?,« she asked. »I thought they’d abandoned that idea long ago?«  
  
The tilt of Ventress’ head and the narrowing of her eyes reminded Ahsoka of a wild animal.   
»They did. Dooku dying changed that,« she spat as she rose from her crouch, muscles tense with anger. »They’re hunting Dark Side Force-users now, afraid that one of us will rise in his stead. It doesn’t matter that I’m not a Sith now, does it? They want vengeance for Quinlan, and they can’t very well fault themselves, can they,« she said with a sardonic smile.  
  
Ahsoka’s montrals vibrated with the name, she felt a twinge of _something_ in Ventress’ voice as she spoke it, but the connection was lost on her. »Wh- Vos? How do you know him?« Ahsoka asked, growing more and more perplexed at every word Ventress spoke.  
  
Ventress scrutinised her carefully. »You truly don’t know, do you?,« Ventress mused and flicked off her saber offhandedly. Ahsoka recognized her a bit more now, the aloof way Ventress held herself, the inflection in her voice. »Quinlan Vos died a while back. Dead. By Dooku’s hand.«  
  
»I’m… sorry to hear that,« Ahsoka said solemnly, still confused about the connection, but saddened by the news. She hadn’t known Master Vos well, but he had been one of the more rambunctious Jedi, impossible to miss on the rare occasions that he’d been at the Temple and impossible not to like. »But… If Dooku killed him, why are the Jedi after you?«  
  
Ventress scoffed, and raised her eyebrows, the harsh light deepening the creases lining her forehead. »So naive. You’re still idolising them, even now? After everything they did to you?« Ventress’ thin laughter rang through the air.  
  
There was truth in her words.   
Ahsoka couldn’t deny it, in many ways she still thought the world of the Jedi Order. After what they had put her through, she should have washed her hand of them long ago, but thinking of the Order still made her heart ache with admiration and love.   
There was anger as well, buried deep in her gut, anger that the Order had so readily abandoned her, anger at their actions in the war, but over the last year, Ahsoka had perfected the art of pretending that she didn’t feel it.   
  
»It doesn’t matter that Quinlan didn’t die by my hand. In their opinion, my crimes to the Jedi are many,« the Dathomirian continued with a sneer.  
  
Ahsoka started saying that _‘well, you are a war criminal’_ but her train of thought caught up with her, and she realised that Ventress was deflecting her questions. Something else was afoot.   
She stepped closer and reached out with a gloved hand. »Ventress, you can talk to me, what happened? As your friend, I— «  
  
The pale woman smacked the hand away and laughed, a shrill, loud sound that echoed in the corridors. »Friends? We're not _friends_ , Tano, don't delude yourself.«  
The words stung slightly. A part of her had been happy to see Ventress, even hostile as the woman had been initially. Good or bad, they had history and Ahsoka had so very little contact with anyone from her life before the trial.   
  
»Even so,« Ahsoka continued patiently. »You can still talk to me. I want to help, but I don’t understand what’s happening.«  
  
»Do you know what the precious _Jedi_ did when I brought them his body? They blamed _me_!« Ventress exclaimed, her words a venomous hiss as she stared at Ahsoka with large grey eyes and knotted fists.   
»The great Obi-Wan Kenobi had the gall to say that _I_ was the reason we had failed, that _I_ was to blame for Quinlan’s death,« Ventress spat and leaned back onto her heels with her arms crossed tightly across her chest.   
Ventress wore her smile like a mask, wide and cold but it belied the grief Ahsoka saw in her eyes. They were glistening and reddening by the second, and Ahsoka suddenly realised what this was about.   
  
»Oh,« she said dumbly. »You and Quinlan…?«  
  
Ventress looked away, face drawn in a sneer even as colour rose in her cheeks. »I should have known better. That stupid Jedi got into my head somehow,« Ventress bit her lip and Ahsoka understood Ventress’ reluctance at talking about the subject.   
»It was just… I tried so many times to kill Dooku and every time I failed. I never even considered an ‘after’ until I teamed up with Quinlan,« she said, voice thickening with every word. Ahsoka heard the longing in Ventress’ voice, the loss, and she felt the words tug at her heartstrings with sympathy.  
  
»I’m sorry, Ventress, I really am,« Ahsoka said quietly. »How did you two team up?«   
  
The woman scoffed through the glossy sheen of unshed tears. »They sent him to me. The noble Jedi Order sent him on a suicide mission to help me assassinate Dooku. Preferably while he was asleep, or so I gathered from what Quinlan told me.«  
  
Ahsoka shook her head even as she felt the truth behind Ventress’ words. »They wouldn’t do that, it’s… that’s murder, that goes against everything they stand for.«  
  
»Do you really think that the Council is above that sort of thing?« Ventress asked smoothly, and Ahsoka tried to remind herself that the woman had been a Sith, that for _years_ Ventress had been everything Ahsoka had despised. She’d been a murderous, deceitful criminal, and she couldn’t be trusted. Ahsoka felt bile rise in her throat. Why then, despite it all, did she believe her?  
  
»I can feel the anger in you, _Jedi_ ,« Ventress said, voice soft like silk.   
  
»I’m not a Jedi!,« Ahsoka snarled and saw red. She leaned into her fury and _pushed_ Ventress against the wall with the Force before the woman could react, felt herself bare her teeth in a grimace as she held Ventress in place.  
The woman laughed through the pressure pinning her to the wall, a loud and demented laugh that jarred Ahsoka from her anger. She could feel her blood draining from her face and quickly released Ventress from her bindings.  
  
»You can’t hide from me, Tano. Who are you angry at? Yourself? The injustices of war?,« Ventress scoffed through Ahsoka’s blabbering attempt at excuses. »Or maybe you’re placing the blame where it belongs. The Order is falling, slowly but surely. They changed you, twisted you into a mockery of what you should have been!«  
Ventress voice turned quiet, a low growl that made Ahsoka’s montrals reverberate. » _Peacekeeper,_ isn’t that what they told your parents when they tore you from their arms? And now they’re no better than Sith.«  
  
»I…,« Ahsoka faltered,visibly worried about this development. »War changes us all, Ventress, surely you've — «  
  
»Don't delude yourself, Tano,« Ventress said with a cruel twang in her voice. »You’re beyond that. War hasn’t changed you — it’s part of you now. What are you if you cut the war away? Beneath the armour and the victories and the defeats, beneath the anger at the injustice of it all, what are you really? Without the war, what’s left of Ahsoka Tano?«   
  
Ahsoka didn’t have an answer. Ever since she’d left the Order, she’d wondered that exact same thing over and over again. For the first few years, she’d been raised for peace, but those golden years seemed so far away now. If you separated Ahsoka from the war, from the Jedi… What was left except her anger?   
The Togruta stood silently under Ventress’ scrutiny for a long moment and tried to find the words to deny Ventress’ question.  
  
»You deserve better than they ever gave you,« Ventress said suddenly, surprising Ahsoka with the passionate tone in her words. »We both did.  
  
The two woman looked at each other, the moment stretching into the next. Finally Ventress snapped out of it. She turned with an awkward nod towards Ahsoka and disappeared into the shadows, the noise of the city-moon shrouding her Force-aura instantly.  
  
Ahsoka stood in the narrow alley for a while, suddenly feeling very alone. The Dathomirian had given her much to ponder.

 

* * *

  


When the Republic fell, Ahsoka knew immediately that something was terribly wrong.   
On Mandalore she faced Maul — no longer a Sith, but still full of rage and scorn as he titled her _‘Lady Tano’_ and tried to burn the planet to its core. As she fought side by side with Clones that she knew and loved, good men every single one of them, Ventress’ words were easier to push to the back of her mind.   
The Jedi had asked her to be here and it felt _right_. Rex had her back, and she revelled in being back on the front lines. The familiarity had been exhilarating and Ahsoka had smiled as she leapt through the air with her lightsabers in her hands again. It had felt like home.   
  
Then the shooting had started.   
  
The Clones turned on her without warning and everything turned nightmarish, blurry and unreal.   
Fighting through confusion and tears, she and Rex ran. They clung to each other for a precious few hours, whispering reassurances and plans for the future to each other until they caught wind of the news. The Republic was no more. The Jedi Order was gone. All of their plans crumbled into nothing.   
  
Ahsoka left her lightsabers on an empty grave and hugged Rex goodbye without saying the ‘ _I_ _’ll see you again’_ she so desperately wanted to say.   
  
Worry for her friends among the Clones, for Anakin, for Obi-Wan, and the rest of the Order, for every single person who might end up dead on this stars-forsaken day coursed through Ahsoka as she hid in the darkest alley she could find. Ahsoka crouched down in the dirt and found herself utterly and completely alone, more alone than she had ever been before. Through her tears, she gasped for air as her throat constricted with grief.

  


Asajj didn’t know anything was amiss for hours.   
Being alone was second nature to her, and she didn’t have the target of ‘Jedi’ painted on her back. She sat in the _Banshee_ , eating cold rations and had just finished counting the credits from a successful mission when she turned on the HoloNet. It was flooded with video feeds of the new Emperor. _‘A glorious future,’_ Emperor Palpatine said in the distorted hologram, ‘ _a future with order and peace and without the traitorous Jedi._ _’_  
  
They were gone, Asajj realised as a chill ran down her spine. The Order that had been responsible for so much of her suffering, of so many of the injustices she’d been dealt, they were actually gone.   
  
Asajj sat in the Captain’s chair on her ship with nothing but cold durasteel surrounding her as the truth sank in.  
It left her hollow. Brittle.   
For hours Asajj Ventress stared out onto the stars and wondered if this would change anything. If it would change her. The hatred still sang in her bones, but with less direction, less focus. Without the Jedi Order as a conduit, the constant beckoning from the Dark Side seemed less crushing, the knife’s edge wasn’t as sharp.   
  
Breathing felt easier now, and Asajj smiled at the stars.   
It wouldn’t be easy, she knew, to survive in this new galaxy with this strange new Emperor. But reshaping herself was something she had done before, and this time it felt like a beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

Three years later, it proved difficult to track down Asajj Ventress.   
  
‘ _The Bald Banshee_ ’ they called her, and no-one seemed to be able to predict where she might be next. The agents Ahsoka sent always returned with no answers, telling tales of narrow escapes and disgruntled bounty hunters with a penchant for shooting first and asking questions later.   
_‘Her social skills haven’t improved over the past few years,’_ Ahsoka thought with a soft smile.   
  
Finally Ahsoka had a breakthrough. She stood on a busy marketplace, stocking up on supplies for her next mission, when a purple-skinned Theelin sidled up next to her. Latts Razzi. She’d run into the bounty hunter shortly after the Empire rose, and the meeting hadn’t been friendly. Ahsoka tried to look casual as she pretended to continue inspecting the fruit in her hands.  
  
»Now now, honey, don’t get all tense on me,« Razzi smirked which did nothing to make Ahsoka relax. »Heard you might be looking for someone?«  
  
Interest piqued, Ahsoka looked down at the smaller woman. »Do you know where she is?«  
  
»Straight to the point, I like that,« Razzi grabbed the muja fruit out of Ahsoka’s hand while the merchant looked the other way. The Theelin started walking, and Ahsoka followed after a split-second of consideration. The information might be worth the hassle. »No. But I know where she’ll be.« Red juice ran down her chin as she bit into the fruit.   
  
»So what’s the catch?,« Ahsoka asked. »She’s dodged all my attempts to contact her.«  
  
Razzi scoffed. »She doesn’t want to talk to any of your _agents_. Our friend asked me to confirm that it was really you,« the bounty hunter flourished the fruit at Ahsoka, red droplets narrowly missing Ahsoka’s face. »…and set up the meeting. If you pay my fee for my troubles of course.« The woman winked and bit into the fruit again.  
  
Somehow Ahsoka got the feeling that the bounty hunter would get paid twice for this job. »Sure, whatever, set it up,« she sighed and handed over a sufficient amount of credits.  
  
»Correllia, one standard week from now,« Razzi said with a wink and handed Ahsoka a datapad. »Information’s all on here.«   
  
The Theelin walked away with a spring in her step that made her pigtails bounce, and Ahsoka shook her head. The galaxy was getting weirder and weirder. At least now she had a meeting.

 

* * *

 

 

»I heard that you died years ago,« Ventress said a week later and knocked back her shot. They sat at the counter of a seedy bar in the underbelly of Corellia. The bar was half-empty but the music was loud and obnoxious. People stuck to themselves here, keeping their eyes on their drinks and taking care not to look too closely the other patrons.  
  
Ahsoka kept a careful eye on the door as she sipped her drink. »I’m glad,« she said. »Did you believe it?«  
  
Ventress chuckled and signalled the droid at the bar for another shot. »No. You leave signs everywhere.«  
  
»I didn’t think you’d notice,« Ahsoka smiled warningly at a too-drunk patron making his way towards them with a cocky grin on his face. At the sight of her bared teeth he quickly changed his mind and proceeded to another part of the bar.   
  
Ventress turned in her seat and caught Ahsoka’s eye, and Ahsoka was struck again by how much healthier she looked now.   
She was thin, but not skeletal, and her skin was no longer the pallid tone it had been last Ahsoka had seen the woman. With her dark eyes and darker lips and her head held high, she was as beautiful as she had been during the Clone Wars. Ahsoka couldn’t blame the man for wanting to try his luck.   
»I’m just saying, if you want people to think you’re dead, you should be more careful who you play cards with,« the bounty hunter said with a wry smile.  
  
Ahsoka shrugged. »As long as the Empire believes it, that’s good enough.«  
  
»Cheers to not being dead then,« Ventress rasped as the droid came around with a bottle of Whyren’s Reserve and poured a few shots. She raised her glass and downed it quickly without waiting for Ahsoka to join her. Leaning back in her seat, she wiped her mouth and looked at Ahsoka with crossed arms. »Why are you here?,« she asked.   
  
»I have a proposition for you,« Ahsoka said as quietly as she could. A Rodian sat at the far wall, but Ahsoka thought that he was looking at them with a bit too much interest. »This might not be the best place for this discussion though.«  
  
Ventress cast a glance around her and leaned closer, her cheek brushing up against Ahsoka’s as she spoke. »Sure it is, darling, you just have to loosen up a bit. You look all business and people here don’t like that.« Ahsoka felt her face burning at the touch of the other woman’s cool skin against her own. »Have a drink. Look like you’re enjoying yourself a bit.«   
  
Ventress leaned back in her chair again, her body a long, languid line and she picked up a new glass as she stared with half-lidded eyes at Ahsoka.   
  
Nodding, Ahsoka picked up her own glass and tried to relax herself. She felt foolish, like she was trying too hard as she sank into her seat. With her arm resting faux-casually on the counter she leaned towards Ventress.   
»I have a lot of friends. Carefully selected, each with their purpose. I’d like to add you to them.« Talking of these things in this place made Ahsoka’s skin crawl. »We have a common enemy, us and you. I’m sure you could find us very useful if you were to join us.«  
  
Ventress sighed, a deep, deliberate sigh that grated on Ahsoka’s nerves. The Dathomirian had always liked to toy with her opponents, and annoying as it was, Ahsoka also found the familiar trait a bit endearing.  
The noise in the bar had already been deafening, but the band played even louder now than it had before. Looking around, Ahsoka recognised the cause. A new arrival in the corner. A spice-trader talking to a human male. The trader was well-known in the criminal world, and not one to cross. She would need to steer clear of him, but Ahsoka found it reassuring that he found this place safe enough to do business in.   
  
Suddenly she felt a hand being placed on her thigh, and Ahsoka’s attention returned to the woman in front of her with piercing focus. Ventress was leaning forward again and her hand felt like a burn on Ahsoka’s thigh. She looked at Ahsoka with dark eyes. »I want no part of your merry little circle of friends, Tano.«  
  
Disappointment struck Ahsoka like a blow. »Why agree to meet me then? Why go to the trouble?«  
  
»You kept sending agents to track me down,« Ventress shrugged, her face still only centimetres from Ahsoka’s, close enough that Ahsoka could count her lashes if she wanted. »Shaking them was getting annoying.« The bounty hunter smiled, and Ahsoka wanted to wipe the grin off of her face. »Besides, I wanted to give you a tip — cover your tracks better. Can’t have everyone going around figuring out that you’re not dead, can we?«  
  
»How nice,« Ahsoka said flatly. »I didn’t know you cared.«  
  
»I care about the drinks,« Ventress said and reached onto the counter for the last shot. Breathing felt easier somehow, Ahsoka noted absently, now that Ventress was no longer in her face. »And I suppose it’s not entirely terrible that you’re alive.«   
  
The slender woman downed the drink in one go and got up smoothly. »Be a dear and foot the bill, will you?« Ventress winked at Ahsoka and walked out the bar with perfectly even steps, though with slightly more sway in her hips than Ahsoka remembered. Maybe the alcohol did have an effect on the bounty hunter after all.  
  
Ahsoka shook her head and smiled despite herself. She hadn’t really expected anything else, but she had _hoped_.   
She signalled for the bill. The droid promptly brought it over and Ahsoka downed the rest of her own drink. No reason to stick around now. The criminal underworld of Correllia wasn’t the worst in the Galaxy, but still… Ahsoka had business to attend to elsewhere.  
  
Ahsoka reached for the bill and felt her jaw drop as she saw the astronomical number.  
  
_»That hairless harpy!«_


	4. Chapter 4

‘ _Don’t go to Balmorra’_  
  
Ahsoka stared down at her datapad. A few seconds later another message ticked in.  
  
‘ _It_ _’s a trap’_  
  
No sender. That was worrying. Ahsoka had gone to a great deal of effort to make sure that her information wasn’t available to just anyone. The two messages had none of the codes that the Rebellion used. Was it a rogue member of the Rebellion? Or was the Empire trying to set a trap?  
  
Ahsoka had received word from an inhabitant on Balmorra that an insurgency was in its infancy and that they needed help. A Rebel presence on an Empire-controlled industrial planet specialising in weaponry? Ahsoka wasn’t sure where the messages had come from, but warning or no warning, much could be gained from this opportunity. The danger was worth it.  
  
Ahsoka was no fool though. She went to Balmorra shrouded in layers upon layers of falsified documentation. A new ship, new papers, and she’d even gone to the trouble of buying a holoshroud **.** Looking at herself in the faint reflection of the dirty dashboard was strange. She still looked like a Togruta, but her features and colouring were wrong.   
Ahsoka sighed. She hated hiding, but something about this particular case rattled her enough to go the extra mile. This was better. Safer.

  


On Balmorra Ahsoka stood on a trading platform and felt like a fool. No sign of her contact. No hint of an insurgency. Nothing but Imperials. She’d expected as much from the reports, but something was wrong. She’d sensed it since she first stepped foot on the planet. Ahsoka cursed herself for not listening to her instincts.  
  
Unease filled the air around her and she felt her montrals vibrating at the sound of an Imperial Officer talking into an comlink 50 metres away. She couldn’t make out the words, bu his spine was stiffening by the second, and Ahsoka started moving. She had to get out of here. Her contact, if he even existed, might be in trouble, but this was too dangerous.   
  
Ahsoka took care to appear calm and collected, as she walked to the edge of the platform. She made her way down to the next platform, and the next, and the next. Everywhere she went, the officer’s unease followed her.   
The tension in the air was no coincidence. The Imperials were too aware of her, she saw how the troopers angled their bodies ever so slightly towards her, the low conversations that paused for a second as she walked past, the squads of stormtroopers that just happened to cross her path.   
A chill ran down her spine as she realised how much she’d miscalculated. This was all too smooth for the Empire to have randomly recognised her when she arrived, too calculated. It was definitely a trap.  
  
Suddenly a hand grabbed her from out of nowhere and pulled her into an alley roughly. A gloved hand covered her mouth firmly before Ahsoka had a chance to cry out and pushed her behind a tower of shipping crates, out of sight from the main road.  
»Shut up,« the masked woman hissed and Ahsoka’s eyes widened in recognition.   
The squad of stormtroopers walked past without incident and Asajj Ventress flipped her visor up and revealed narrowed pale eyes and dark lips pressed together. Her long nose was scrunched up and Ahsoka didn’t think she’d ever seen the Dathomirian look so decidedly cross. »What the kriff are you doing here, don’t you know how to _read_?!« she snarled and removed her hand.  
  
»You sent that message,« Ahsoka said dumbly. »Wait, I’m in disguise, how did you recognize me?«  
  
Ventress rolled her eyes at her. »Have you seen a single other Togruta on this Force-forsaken planet? You stick out. Besides, your Force Signature is rather… unique.«   
She still pushed up against Ahsoka and Ahsoka heard the low crackle of a comlink from the platform above them. They fell silent, the only sound between them the beat of their hearts and shallow breaths, until the trooper finally left. »You need to check your sources, there’s no insurgency on this side of the planet,« Ventress said and moved to check if the alley was clear.  
  
After a moment she waved for Ahsoka to follow her. They moved quietly through the streets, staying low and taking care to take cover whenever possible.   
  
»Why are you helping me?,« Ahsoka asked as they crouched beneath a fuel-line.  
  
Ventress retrieved a datapad from her jacket and brought up a map, searching for the best way forward. »I get you out of this one, and you owe me a favour, deal?«  
  
»What do you need from me?,« Ahsoka asked warily.  
  
»Trading is harder these days. I can’t go to the central hubs. Someone at the top remembered that I’m a Force-user,« Ventress said and pointed towards a small path that would lead them to relative safety. »It has proven… rather troublesome. I need to use your contacts.«  
  
Ahsoka peered over the metal pipe. The path was clear. She signalled Ventress that they should go, and she glanced at her. »Have you reconsidered my offer?«  
  
A small huff of breath could be heard through the mask. »Alas, no, I still don’t have a death wish. I just need to be able to trade.«   
  
»Fine. Deal.«  
  
They weaved through small back streets easily, moving smoothly and fluidly from one level to the next.  
_‘It’s too quiet,’_ Ahsoka thought suddenly. The air felt quieter, she couldn’t pick up on the sound of heavy boots on durasteel any longer. The Imperials weren’t patrolling in the same way as they had before, and Ahsoka stopped, just short of a small square. »Something’s wrong,« she said quietly and Ventress looked around.   
  
»Ah Sithspit,« Ventress sighed behind her, and again Ahsoka regretted not heeding Ventress’ warning when she first got it.

  


* * *

  


Two slender figures stood silhouetted against the bright light of a neon sign above the square. Asajj could feel the smaller one’s giddiness, a vicious, unsettling sort of joy that sent shudders down her back.   
  
The two women stepped out of the light, both clad in dark grey and black armour, their faces hidden behind plasteel visors. The smaller one was a Twi'lek, her ashen lekkus wrapped with thick black straps of fabric, the other one humanoid, but when she moved she gave an impression of floating. There was something about her that seemed familiar and Asajj resisted the urge to step backwards.  
  
»First Sister,« the Twi'lek said, voice shrill and juvenile as they descended from the platform above. »Looks like you were right. They couldn’t stay away.«  
  
The one called First Sister didn’t respond. She stopped at the foot of the platform and Asajj tried to sense her emotions. Nothing. No anger or pain or glee. Just hollowness echoing through the Force.  
  
»Ahsoka Tano,« the First Sister said tonelessly and Asajj saw Tano flinch at the sound of her name. »We thought you had perished at Mandalore.«  
  
»Who are you?,« Tano asked as she carefully shifted her weight into a defensive stance.   
  
»You don’t recognise me.« The First Sister flipped her visor up and Asajj felt herself flush with hatred. Asajj hadn’t seen this face for years, but once it had been broadcast on the HoloNet, spewing angry words of Jedi hypocrisy. Worse, she’d knocked Asajj out and stolen her lightsabers, something Asajj wasn’t likely to forget anytime soon.  
  
» _Barriss_?,« Tano gasped and Asajj felt her companions’ careful mental shields drop a fraction. Surprise and pain flooded through the crack in her shields and Asajj felt Tano sliding.  
  
»Careful,« she hissed to Tano and grabbed her shoulder. It wouldn’t do for Tano to lose her head to the bubbling anger, the situation was precarious enough as it was.  
  
Barriss Offee stood before them, her once vibrant yellow-green skin turned dusty, eyes fiery and bloodshot. Asajj knew that look well. She had seen the mark of the Dark Side on many Force-users through the years.  
  
The Twi’lek turned to her associate. »You know her?«  
  
A tiny smile played at the edge of Barriss’ mouth, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. »Oh yes,« she said tonelessly. »Second Sister, our mission just got a lot more important.«   
  
The Twi’lek turned back to her opponents with renewed interest. »So not just random Jedi survivors, I take it?«  
  
Offee shook her head. »Ahsoka Tano and Asajj Ventress,« she said. Another jolt of hatred shot through Asajj when the Mirialan looked at her with that dead, calculating stare. »Once a Jedi Padawan and a Sith apprentice. Both have been turned from their paths time and time again. I think our Lord would very much like for these two to be taken alive. They could make good additions to the Inquisitorious.«  
  
The First Sister drew her circular lightsaber and Asajj felt a spark of recognition. The hilts had been modified into a mockery of their original design, but she would recognise their curvature anywhere. »Those are my sabers, scum,« Asajj hissed.  
  
»Yes. My Lord found it to be rather... poetic that I should use these now, after everything that has happened,« Offee said flatly and ignited the blades, expertly flourishing the double-bladed weapon.  
  
The Second Sister followed suit instantly and surged at Asajj with a roar. She was brash. Heads-on. Asajj danced around her easily, drawing on the Dark Side, letting it flow through her as she blocked the red blade with her own yellow saber.   
Asajj appraised her enemy. She seemed young, barely even Force-Sensitive. Probably not a Jedi. She hadn’t received much training, or she would have learnt not to broadcast her intent through the Force before an attack.   
  
Eager to focus on Offee, by far the more dangerous of the two, Asajj snarled at the Twi’lek, swivelled into a crouch and stabbed her with the lightsaber, her yellow blade cutting easily through the young girl’s torso, leaving her flesh sizzling. Turning again, Asajj pulled her saber from the Twi’lek and jumped to help Tano with Offee.   
  
The Dathomirian never saw the young Twi’lek’s expression, never saw the horror and fear hidden beneath her visor before her features went slack. The Second Sister fell to the ground.  
  
»I can feel your anger, Ahsoka! Why do you fight it?,« the First Sister asked as she blocked a white saber and the crackling hiss nearly drowned out her words. »The Order betrayed you as it did me. Join us now and you can have your revenge!«  
  
With a ragged scream, Tano swung her white sabers at Offee in a flurry of blows. Taken aback by the fury with which Tano fought, Asajj withdrew slightly. The anger in the Togruta was explosive, Asajj had known this for a while now, but this blatant display of raw emotion and mindless action was overwhelming.  
  
Asajj felt Tano drawing on the Dark Side, increasing her strength as Offee failed to block her blows. Within seconds the tide of the battle turned and Offee struggled to even dodge her opponents’ whirlwind blows. Tano’s saber burnt its way through armour, leaving Offee’s clothes tattered and torn.   
  
Offee was tiring now, visibly so, Asajj could tell even from a distance. Tano was relentless in her anger, where her sabers had mostly caught fabric and armour-plating before, now it cut deep into skin and bones and the air filled with sounds of pained cries.   
  
With a final leap and a _pull_ on the Inquisitor’s lightsaber Tano brought Offee out of balance and sliced the lightsaber in half, the broken pieces sparking as they fell to the ground.   
Tano stood above the kneeling Offee and breathed shallow, ragged breaths, her back bowed with tension. » _You_ were the one who betrayed me, Barriss,« she spat with barely contained rage. »The Order was wrong, but my Master stood by me even when you tried to turn everyone against me!«  
  
Offee looked up at Tano, tightly clutching a deep wound in her side. She rose slowly and stared at Tano with confusion. Blood dripped from her face and Asajj was astounded that she was able to stand.   
The Inquisitor coughed and swayed dangerously. »You don’t know, do you?,« her confusion turned to disbelief and Offee laughed with bloodstained teeth and wheezing breath. »You always were unbearably naive, Ahsoka.«  
  
Asajj took a few steps closer to Tano who stood towering above the Inquisitor, still clutching her sabers tightly and breathing heavily. The Dark Side was swirling around her and Asajj could sense the turmoil in the Togruta, the waves of anger that rolled over her continually.   
»Tread softly now,« she whispered and Tano tightened her grip further. She was slipping, Asajj realised, falling before her very eyes.   
  
»It was always what I liked best about you,« Offee coughed violently and fell to her knees again, collapsing in on herself with pain.  
  
Tano made a sound like a wounded animal and Asajj moved forward to grip her shoulder again, digging her fingers into the muscle and bone even as she felt the power gathering in Tano, fueled by anger, grief, hatred. » _Think_ before you act,« she hissed with urgency. »You decide who you want to be!«  
  
Offee groaned on the ground and for what seemed like an eternity, Tano wavered on the cusp of the Dark Side and Asajj felt the Togruta’s muscles tighten before she finally let go of her anger. Drawing in a deep breath, Tano stepped away from the gaping abyss and the oppressive shroud of the Dark Side dissipated.   
  
She seemed smaller now, and Asajj wondered at the strength of her companion. Not many Force-users managed to step back once the Dark Side had filled their minds like it had Tano’s.  
  
Barriss Offee was still breathing, albeit barely. »I’m sorry it had to end like this,« Tano said quietly as she looked at her former friend. Offee looked back with glassy eyes and ragged breath.   
»I adored you, you know? Loved you, even. You were so kind and… I thought the world of you.« Tano stared at the Mirialan lying at her feet with hard eyes. »I barely even recognize you now. There’s nothing left of the Barriss Offee I knew, is there?«  
  
Offee smiled a thin smile through the pain and opened her mouth to reply. »I suppose…,« she whispered but instead of words, mid-sentence a low rattle escaped her lips and the First Sister died.   
  
»It shouldn’t have ended like this,« Tano said quietly as she stared at the body of a friend long gone. Asajj looked at the square, at the two dead Inquisitors and the scorch-marks on the ground. She looked at Tano, unrecognisable beneath the holoshroud, but Asajj still saw how her face was drawn with pain, as clear as day.   
Asajj Ventress had little time for sentiment, but Tano’s pain was impossible to ignore. She felt a twinge of sympathy, and urge to reach out and help somehow.  
  
Asajj shook herself. »We have to move,« she said. The Imperials must have had orders to stay clear of the Inquisitors, but they were sure to be on their way soon. Tano nodded, short and sharp. There were no tears on her face, but Ahsoka was quieter on their stealthy trek to the spaceport than Asajj had ever seen her before.

  


Neither of the women breathed easily until they were in hyperspace on board the _Banshee_ , light-years away from Balmorra and safe for a moment.   
Tano flicked the holoshroud off and turned to face her. Asajj didn’t know why, but it was a relief seeing Tano’s real face again, even drawn with grief as it were. »After all of this, I think you should call me Ahsoka,« the woman said with a tug at the edge of her mouth, the barest semblance of a smile that she could manage.   
  
She nodded shortly. »Asajj, then.«  
  
The _Banshee_ brought them to Hutt space swiftly. It wouldn’t be safe from the Imperials forever, but it would do until Ahsoka could find a replacement ship for the one she’d had to abandon on Balmorra.  
They parted ways then with few words spoken, nothing between them but a promise and owed debts. Somehow Asajj doubted that this would be the last time they saw each other. Instead of the usual trepidation she felt when faced with the prospect of working with another person, Asajj realised that she was actually rather looking forward to it.


	5. Chapter 5

They kept in touch, of sorts, mostly through the Holonet and in-between agents. Ahsoka kept her promise — a favour for a favour. Asajj benefited from the Rebellion’s trade posts in exchange for the occasional bit of information about what the Empire was up to, or potential marks.   
It worked well enough, and Asajj found herself gradually sending more information to Ahsoka than she’d originally intended.  
  
It took a long time for Ahsoka to seek Asajj out in person again. Years, actually. Asajj didn’t mind. No debts were owed and it wasn’t in her nature to worry. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder how the Togruta was doing. Every time she thought of Ahsoka, she felt a slight twinge of concern though she never really wanted to acknowledge it.   
  
_`Ahsoka_ _´_. Even now, four years later, the syllables still felt strange on her tongue. For so long she had been _‘Jedi’,_ or _‘Skywalker´s Padawan’_ or _‘Tano’_ , spat like poison from her tongue. Now the name felt strange but also _right_ , and Asajj didn’t understand the tiny jolt of emotion every time she recognised Ahsoka beneath the coded messages.   
When Ahsoka finally contacted her, asking for help on a mission, Asajj jumped at the chance despite herself.  
  


They sat quietly in the cockpit of the dark cruiser. They were the only people on board. Pirating the vessel hadn’t been difficult, it had mostly been manned by droids and a few untrained Imperial Overseers. They’d commandeered the ship and made a handful of randomly calculated hyperspace jumps before arriving at their pick-up point. Easy. They’d be safe here until the Rebels arrived.  
Having Asajj join her on this mission seemed excessive, Asajj mused, and she wondered if Ahsoka had known that there would be this little resistance.   
  
Now the ship was floating in low-power mode, the usual hum of the engines absent. They were orbiting a large gaseous planet, purple swirls breaking up a dense, deep red and had Asajj been alone, she wouldn’t have spares it a second glance. She’d seen too many of such planets to really care about them, but Ahsoka was entranced by it.   
Watching Ahsoka watch the planet was oddly satisfying , and it allowed Asajj to take her in again. She was older now, taller and far broader than Asajj, and more somber than she had been before. She carried a sadness with her that Asajj knew she would never be fully able to understand.   
  
Asajj cast a glance at the instrument board, green and red lights blinking slowly. Outside, the vast darkness of space was only broken by distant stars and the muted red of the gas-giant below. They were so far from everything in known space, there were no trading posts or planets of significance anywhere close to them.   
The tiny red and green lamps were the only source of light in the cockpit and there was something strange about this space, an ethereal, other-worldly sensation that Asajj couldn’t shake. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.  
  
Asajj didn’t get many moments of genuine enjoyment, and the warm feeling bubbling in her chest as she sat with Ahsoka was rarer still.   
Their shared silence was comfortable and Asajj leaned into it.  
  
  
A message ticked in on Ahsoka’s datapad and she powered the ship up. Shortly after, a dark-skinned woman with braided hair and a scarf wrapped around her shoulders appeared in broken blue tones on the holo. Ahsoka rose from her chair in a flash and knelt in front of the small hologram.  
  
»Fulcrum, we have been delayed. Stick to your current location and we’ll be along as soon as possible,« the woman paused and stared intently into the air, clearly wanting to say something more. It was a one-way holo, but the way Ahsoka kept a close watch on the woman’s every movement made Asajj think that she wished it was two-way.   
The woman shook herself and fidgeted with one of the many straps on her clothing. »Be careful,« she said brusquely and switch the holo off.   
  
The Togruta sighed and sat back on her heels heavily. “Sorry, it seems like we’re going to be here for a while.”  
  
Asajj shrugged. It wasn’t the worst place to be stuck in, the chairs were moderately comfortable and she was rather enjoying the company. She was curious though, and since they were going to be here for a while… »Who was the woman in the holo?«  
  
»No one.«   
  
»She’s cute, I suppose,” Asajj smirked. “In a human sort of way.«   
  
A short bark of laughter escaped Ahsoka. »I suppose. She used to be a farmer. It didn’t work out, so now she’s… well. Doing this.«   
  
»How a _dorable_. A failed farmer and a failed Jedi,« Asajj jibed, curious as to how far she could go with this line of teasing.  
  
»Oh shut up. She was kind and brave and she cared so much about everything she did.” Ahsoka trailed off and smiled a soft smile. »She still does.«  
  
»Ugh. It was _farming,_ Ahsoka«  
  
»It was honest work.«   
  
» _Ugh,_ « Asajj scoffed, but she couldn’t quite manage to stop smiling.   
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes and if it hadn’t been for Ahsoka, Asajj could have stayed there for hours, enjoying the moment of calm. In a rush of motion Ahsoka got up and Asajj stared at her with an arched brow.  
  
»I can’t just sit here for stars-know how long!,« she said loudly and started pacing the cockpit.   
  
Asajj could feel the turmoil in her, the need to not sit still, to _do_ something. It bubbled under the surface of her orange skin and Asajj knew the feeling better than she wanted to. Until Dooku had betrayed her, she’d relished it, the urge to move forward, the drive in her. Since the fall of the Jedi Order, Asajj found that she’d been able to appreciate the quiet stillness. No longer did she feel the hatred simmering and compelling her towards her revenge.   
  
Asajj stretched her arms above her head, slow and languid before unfolding herself from the chair. »Let’s go explore then.«  
  
There was a spot of confusion in Ahsoka’s eyes, but she jumped at the opportunity, quickly grabbing what few bags she had and slung them over her head. »There’s a cargo hold nearby, I’m sure we can find something interesting there,« she said with a gleaming smile and Asajj smiled back without thinking.

  
  
The liquor was part of the cargo the stolen vessel carried and the Rebellion wouldn’t notice a few bottles missing. Besides, they both agreed, they’d risked their necks stealing the ship, so they deserved a reward.   
  
»Probably worth a ridiculous amount of credits though,« Ahsoka said as she opened the first bottle.  
  
A pause as they both drank deeply from their bottles. Sour. Strong. It smelled like rot and tasted worse. Nothing Asajj would’ve picked in a bar, but they had to pass the time somehow until the pickup arrived.

»Her name is Kaeden,« Ahsoka said suddenly in-between sips of the horrid drink. »I think I loved her for a while,« she continued from her seat on the floor, speaking more to the air in the cargo hold than to Asajj. It didn’t bother Asajj much. Loneliness was a difficult trait to shake, and sometimes pretending that you were still alone was easier.  
»I didn’t really realise it at first, but she helped me.« The Togruta drank again, and Asajj noticed that her bottle was emptying at a quicker pace than she’d expected.  
  
Asajj sauntered over to Ahsoka, sitting down on the dirty floor besides her. The cold of the durasteel seeped through her trousers instantly, rough rivets and fluted sheets of metal scratched the palms of her hands. She hardly noticed the sensations, only feeling the warmth emanating from Ahsoka.   
  
Asajj leaned on her partner, heart beating fast as she dared to invade Ahsoka’s space so recklessly, her words barely more than a whisper. »Did you help her?«  
  
A bark of laughter escaped Ahsoka and she shook her head violently enough that Asajj had to lean back to avoid getting hit by Ahsoka’s lekku, the blue stripes blurring together with the movement. »I didn’t help anyone,« Ahsoka spat. »Almost all of them _died_.«  
  
Ahsoka was silent for beat of the heart and then bared her sharp teeth in a mockery of a smile. She turned to Asajj. »I should’ve done what you did, stayed out of everyone’s business and left well enough alone. Or just — just found a hole in the ground on some Force-abandoned planet and buried myself there.«  
  
»Hmmm…,« Asajj leaned on her companion again and took another sip of the repugnant drink. »Hiding wouldn’t fit you, I think. You’re too… colourful for that,« she said and trailed a blue stripe on Ahsoka’s lekku with a slim finger and a wicked curve to her smile.  
  
Ahsoka stared at Asajj for a moment until she decided to take the remark as an insult. »I can hide!,« she protested loudly. »I know how to blend in!«  
  
»I saw how that went on Balmorra,« Asajj shot back and immediately regretted saying the words. Ahsoka looked away.  
  
Ahsoka didn’t reply and the silence stretched out for longer than Asajj was comfortable with. She stared at the tall rows of crates stacked in the hold and intensely wished that she could take back her remark.   
  
Ahsoka finally took a long swig of the liquor and shrugged. »It was… difficult. What happened there.«   
Asajj looked at Ahsoka, taking in the way she hugged her knees to her chest and the way her eyes became distant as she spoke. “You were right in some regard though.«   
Confusion wrinkled Asajj’s brow, and Ahsoka elaborated. »What you said all those years ago, back on Nar Shaddaa, about me placing blame. I do blame the Order for failing me, even now after everything.« She laughed, a short, tight sound that made Asajj’s chest ache with the pain of it. »It’s useless isn’t it? The anger I feel towards them, it has no place to go but it’s still there, festering in my chest.  
  
»I know,« Asajj nodded. »It won’t ever stop. Not truly.«  
  
Her words didn’t seem to bring comfort to Ahsoka. They weren’t meant to. »It’s just… Seeing Barriss like that, so far gone… I was so close to becoming like her…« Ahsoka trailed off and Asajj let the silence fill the room. She knew the state that Ahsoka was in, had felt herself teeter on the brink of change time and time again, she knew that this wasn’t an easy conversation to have.  
  
»I feel like I’m drifting,« Ahsoka said into the silence, and Asajj heard the pain in the words. »I’ve strayed so far from the teachings of the Jedi, you saw me on Balmorra. I’m not sure where to go. What to do. I’ve let everyone down…«   
  
»You owe them nothing, Ahsoka,« Asajj said with a low rumble in her voice. There was less force behind it that she wanted. The liquor was getting to her head. »They abandoned you, just like my master did me.«  
  
Ahsoka made a half-shrug with her shoulder and leaned more heavily on Asajj. »They’re still my family. They taught me everything I know. I miss them«  
  
»What was it like growing up there?« Asajj asked carefully after a moment. »At the Temple I mean?«   
  
Ahsoka looked at Asajj. She knew that her cheeks were reddening and she already regretted asking.   
  
»It was home,« her partner said with confusion. »Safe. And hard in a way. Everyone had a role there, but you were always being measured in some way by the masters or the other younglings.« Ahsoka stretched her legs and put her halfway-empty bottle on the ground.  
  
Even without looking at Ahsoka, Asajj could tell when realisation struck. It vibrated through the Force and Asajj felt nauseated at the wave of pity that followed.   
  
»They found you, didn't they,« Ahsoka asked, eyes wide and voice loud enough that her words echoed through the cargo hold. »When you were a child? What happened?«  
  
»Found me, lost me, didn't find me again,« Asajj sneered defensively. »It doesn’t matter, forget I asked.«  
  
  
It was quiet for a while as they both sipped from the bottles. Asajj let the anger dissipate, allowed the calm to wash over her again. She felt the warmth from Ahsoka’s arm where they leaned on each other. They really should’ve sat gone back to the chairs in the cockpit instead of sitting on this filthy, cold floor, but somehow, she was reluctant to move now with Ahsoka leaning so heavily on her arm.  
  
»Y’know…« Ahsoka looked at Asajj. »Master Obi-Wan once described you as an enigma. I think I’m starting to agree with him.«  
  
Asajj looked away. The mention of Kenobi made her mood sour, but Ahsoka pressed on.   
»I know that the two of you didn’t part on good terms, but he did admire you. He’d always have this weird smile on his face every time you ran into each other.«  
  
»I don’t want to talk about Kenobi,« Asajj said flatly and locked eyes with Ahsoka. She was so close now that Asajj could smell the liquor on her breath.  
  
»I don’t want to talk about the Order,« Ahsoka retorted after another other drink, voice slurring slightly.   
  
Asajj nodded heavily and watched as Ahsoka licked her lips slowly. »We don’t really need to talk, do we?«  
  
»I suppose not…«   
  
There was a moment then, a tiny, fleeting moment where Asajj thought that she would be brave enough to lean in and capture Ahsoka’s mouth in a kiss. It would be exquisite and perfect, she was sure of it, her and this broken, once-Jedi wound around each other in perfect harmony.   
  
Bravery wasn’t something Asajj had been in the habit of practising.   
  
Asajj looked away and the tension broke like a fragile string. The two women leaned on each other, Asajj nestling her head in the nook of Ahsoka’s neck as she cursed herself for being a coward. Ahsoka wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, lips resting at the crown of Asajj’s head.   
  
_‘It’s nice here,’_ Asajj thought a while later through the mist of alcohol. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this relaxed, had enjoyed herself as much as she had been for the past few hours. Judging by the soft hums Ahsoka made, she wasn’t alone. Asajj drifted off to sleep wishing that this moment would never end.  
  


  
They woke from their slumber when Ahsoka’s comlink beeped incessantly. Asajj twitched awake, sitting ramrod straight and immediately reached out with the Force to search the dark cargo hold for danger, adrenaline coursing through her body. Had they really fallen asleep? How incredibly foolish.   
  
Ahsoka grumbled and winced as she answered the call gruffly. She signalled for Asajj to follow her, and they returned to the cockpit just as a Rebel ship appeared in the view-port.   
  
Moments before the other ship docked, Asajj turned to Ahsoka. She was massaging her own neck as she finished the call, trying to get rid of a crick that had developed during their impromptu nap and Asajj couldn’t tear her eyes from her.  
  
‘ _Bravery_ _’_ , Asajj thought as she stalked up to Ahsoka without attempting to shield her intentions from the Togruta. Ahsoka had just initiated the docking sequence when she sensed that something was amiss. She turned and looked at Asajj as she drew nearer, brow creased with concern.   
  
»Asajj, are you alr— «   
  
Before Ahsoka could finish her sentence, Asajj leaned up on her toes, stretching her neck to reach, and captured the woman’s mouth with her own. She sensed Ahsoka’s surprise in the Force, projected as clearly as her desire, but it wasn’t until she returned the kiss that Asajj could properly relax into it. She tasted of the terrible liquor and stale breath, but it was _perfect_.   
  
Ahsoka’s hands moved to Asajj’s waist, pulling Asajj closer to herself and lifting her a fraction off the ground as easy as nothing.   
  
Asajj’s hands cupped Ahsoka’s face and as she pulled away, she momentarily opened her eyes and saw Ahsoka looking back with lidded eyes. Her white tattoos seemed to glow with passion, but Asajj thought that might just be her own head spinning.   
  
»More,« Asajj demanded and Ahsoka lifted her again and spun so that Asajj’s back was against the cold wall. Ahsoka caught Asajj’s lips with her own, nibbling and biting at the flesh, and Asajj thought she had never felt anything this divine.   
  
The sound of the pressure evening out in the airlock tore them from each other, both gasping and looking at each other with wide eyes. Asajj was the first to collect herself, putting on the mask of nonchalance that she’d practised wearing for years.  
  
»Come see me sometime,« Asajj purred as she touched her own lips with a long finger, feeling the way they had swollen and enjoying the way Ahsoka’s eyes darkened at the gesture.   
  
The airlock hissed open and Asajj stalked away to greet the Rebel agents, leaving Ahsoka dumbstruck in the cockpit.


	6. Chapter 6

Seven years later they had fallen into a comfortable routine. They would meet up occasionally for missions or missions that conveniently turned into private visits. Sometimes there’d be no other premise than just getting a few drinks. Asajj liked those the best, when all pretence of business was dropped, and it was just the two of them.  
  
Their meetings were irregular, but that was alright. Asajj wasn’t a social creature by nature, and hers was a lonely existence, as much by choice as by happenstance.   
Ahsoka brought with her a lovely change of pace though, a bit of laughter and pleasure to an otherwise grim existence. These days bounty hunting meant that she had no choice but dealing with the Hutt Cartel, and hunting for the Hutts rarely gave Asajj cause to smile.   
  
She knew that Ahsoka struggled with life as a Rebel. She burned with passion for the cause and Asajj had to admit that Ahsoka did succeed in bringing hope to people, but at her core, Ahsoka wasn’t cut out for a life in hiding. The hard decisions that she constantly had to make wore her down, bit by bit, Asajj saw how she changed over the years, how she became more weary and less hopeful.   
When they met, they both embraced the stolen hours as an escape from the constant burdens of daily life, a small sliver of time without judgement or demands.  
  
Still, their affair was casual despite their shared enjoyment of their time together, a fact that Asajj was mostly fine with. They both had other priorities.

  


One day Asajj felt something change. She’d been meaning to contact Ahsoka after her hunt had finished. Information had been uncovered that Ahsoka would most definitely be interested in. She felt a small jolt of excitement at the thought.   
  
Her plans were disrupted in a flash. Something screamed at her through the Force, call from across the Galaxy, a sudden cry for help wrenched from the gut, instinctual and beyond thought. Asajj felt like she was being pulled on by strings towards the source, heard it as clearly as a shout.   
  
When the call appeared, her lightsaber stopped millimetres away from the neck of her bounty and fell to her side instead. The chase was dropped without a second thought and Asajj was out the door immediately, already calculating hyperspace paths in her mind.   
  
Her target collapsed on the floor in a mess of sweat, tears, and whimpers as he realised that she wasn't collecting his head after all. Asajj didn't even notice, in her mind’s eye she was already light-years away. 

  


When Asajj arrived on Malachor the call had weakened. It echoed here, reverberating underneath the surface, no longer a shout, but a quiet murmur of need and want and _help_.   
  
The Nightsister set down the _Banshee_ in the ruins of a crumbled temple with trembling hands.   
It was old, she sensed, older than anything Dooku had ever shown her. Chills ran down her spine as she stepped onto the planet. This place was dangerous beyond measure, she could feel it in the air. She continued. Asajj was no stranger to peril.   
  
Whispers of power and betrayal washed over her as she walked deeper into the temple. Here, underneath the surface the air was still and unmoving, motes of dust floating quietly through the air.   
The stillness was a lie, she knew. She could read a story here, in the broken pillars and the scorch marks from lightsabers. A battle had unfolded here, that much was clear.   
  
Asajj walked slower than she would have liked. The call was still pulling on her, but it felt scattered. Her frustration was building, she didn’t know where to _go_!   
The call had crawled inside her skull and urged her on. She crawled into crevasses and cave-ins and jumped over broken remnants of a civilisation long gone and she found nothing.   
  
It was there constantly, calling to her, refusing to release her, pulsating in her head, and Asajj felt worry and fury rising inside of her.   
Finally, after another futile search of what was once a tomb, a scream tore itself from her throat.   
  
» _Where are you!_ ,« she shouted into the void with both her voice and the Force.   
Nothing. Endless quiet filled the cavernous halls again. The air felt thick in here and Asajj watched the dust settle in the rays of light streaking down from above. Asajj noticed her fingernails biting into her hands, felt the call beating on her Force-aura like a drum and she loathed this planet and its secrets.  
  
Suddenly the call vanished, disappearing as fast as it had arrived and Asajj could hear nothing but the blood pounding in her ears.   
  
»No, _«_ she murmured as her throat tightened and she looked into the twilight darkness with wide eyes. The silence was deafening, worse than the incessant call had been. This wasn’t what she’d wanted. »Come back,« she whispered into the silence and fell to her knees.  
  
Finally a faint reply returned, and Asajj’s head snapped up. It shone like a beacon now, and Asajj ran.  
  
She stood in front something that might once have been a glorious arch . Now it was meaningless rubble and she cast the rocks aside without a thought, wanting only to find the source of the call.  
  
She pulled Ahsoka’s bruised body from the ruins with tight lips and trembling hands. A sob of relief escaped her when she realised that the Togruta was merely unconscious, not dead. The Force had protected her, and Asajj had never been more grateful.   
  
Asajj sat next to her for a moment before Ahsoka stirred.   
  
Blue eyes looked up at the ceiling, distant and unfocused and Asajj was there in an instant, her slender hands curling around Ahsoka’s biceps, wide eyes full of worry.  
  
»I’m alright, Asajj…,« Ahsoka whispered even as tears rolled down her cheeks and darkened the ground beneath. »I’m alright.«

  


Asajj Ventress knew betrayal like she knew her own tattoos.  
She knew how it felt when it was etched upon your soul, knew how it carved itself a space in you and stayed. She sensed the betrayal Ahsoka was feeling now, tinted differently than Asajj’s own. Where Asajj’s was coloured by rage and hatred, Ahsoka’s came from love.   
Love and despair that the Master she had so adored had turned into the monstrosity that was Darth Vader.   
The betrayal felt different, but Asajj recognised it nonetheless, and she knew of what followed. When the grief had passed, Ahsoka would still feel his betrayal like a blade between her ribs.  
  
It was strange. Asajj had never thought that someone else’s pain could affect her so. She sat aboard the _Banshee_ and looked at Ahsoka’s prone body. Somehow seeing Ahsoka like this hurt more than her own pain.   
Her news could wait a few hours, she decided.

  


The next day when Ahsoka had woken and the bacta-patches had healed the worst of her injuries, Asajj stood in the doorway of the small chamber.  
  
»I found someone you’ll want to meet,« Asajj said quietly. At her tone, Ahsoka visibly pulled herself from the haze of medication. »We’ll need to go to Tatooine when you’re well again.«


	7. Chapter 7

»You knew he was alive,« Ahsoka said with rage trembling in her voice. »You knew and you _didn't tell me!_ «  
  
Obi-Wan stood in the doorway, his mouth open in surprise at the sight of the angry Togruta and the Dathomirian standing behind her like a shadow. He looked so old now. His hair was white and his skin wrinkled. Ahsoka barely recognised him.  
  
As Ahsoka’s accusation sunk in, his shoulders drooped into a slump.   
Shaking the surprise off, he waved them inside without further delay. He sat down heavily at the table and watched the two women enter. Neither of them sat despite his gesture to do so.  
  
Ahsoka knew that he must've had his reasons for disappearing, for keeping secrets. Knowing Obi-Wan they were probably good ones, but she couldn't find it in her to pity him, to try and see it from his point of view.   
  
Her clenched fists trembled as he finally replied, voice sad. »I knew.« Obi-Wan looked at her, grey eyes filled with anguish. »It was only a matter of time before you encountered him I suppose.«  
  
»I heard the message you sent when the Empire rose,« Ahsoka said. »‘ _A new hope will emerge_ ’ you said. I waited for a sign, for _anything_ , but there was never a second transmission,« Ahsoka felt tears filling up her eyes.   
»I counted the days for years, you know. I kept believing, _hoping_ that the Order would return and restore peace to the Galaxy.«  
Obi-Wan didn’t reply and Ahsoka started pacing the small hut. »I thought you’d died. You were a Master of the Council, you were _Anakin_ _’s_ Master, why haven’t you done anything?,« Ahsoka’s voice broke, her anguish seeping through. »You could have tried to bring him back!«  
  
The old man looked at her with tired eyes. His wispy hair stuck to his forehead even now in the early morning heat. »Ahsoka… The things he has done… Anakin is gone, he died years ago,« he said and the words sounded rehearsed, as if he’d repeated them over and over again until his voice was raw.   
  
Ahsoka smiled, a smile that was all sharp teeth. »You're wrong, old man, Anakin is still in there. I saw him.«   
  
Obi-Wan shook his head. Not denial, Ahsoka realised, as much as it was a reluctance to admit that there might still be a chance, might still be a way. »It doesn’t matter, does it?« The old man looked away.   
  
»Of course it matters!,« she half-shouted and started pacing again. »You could’ve helped, you still can! There's a Rebellion now, join us and fight the Empire!«  
  
Obi-Wan shook his head but Ahsoka noticed the way his eyes glinted. He already knew. He knew everything. »My place is here, little one.«  
  
»The Rebellion needs all the help it can get, Obi-Wan. We're struggling,« Ahsoka tried again, but she saw his resolve. She knew that she couldn’t sway him and the knowledge made her anger run cold.   
  
»I'm surprised to see that you have joined this Rebellion, Ventress,« Obi-Wan deflected. »It’s not like you to be selfless. Why are you doing this?«  
  
The woman lifted a sculpted eyebrow in response and looked Obi-Wan dead in the eye, her distaste for the man plain as day. »I have my reasons, _Jedi._ «  
  
»Be careful with this one, Ahsoka. The last Jedi I knew to tangle with Ventress ended up dead,« Obi-Wan said with a sneer pulling at his lips. He looked at Ahsoka, and anger filled her at his words.  
  
»She has done far more for me in the past 17 years than you have, old man,« Ahsoka said cooly. »And I’m no Jedi.«  
  
The hut filled with silence and Obi-Wan looked away from her sharply. Ahsoka felt his disappointment as she rejected the title of Jedi, rejected their teachings, rejected _him_. She couldn’t find it in her to regret her words, but… this was Obi-Wan. Had been Obi-Wan. She could never hate him, even if she barely recognised him.  
  
»I came to you for help, Obi-Wan, not judgement,« Ahsoka continued quietly. »If you won't give me that, at least guide me. You owe me that much.«  
  
He looked at her appraisingly. »Come with me then. There is much that you don’t know. It will be easiest to show you.« Obi-Wan got up with stiff legs and moved towards the door.  
  
When Asajj moved to follow them Obi-Wan looked at her with a wry smile and a lifted eyebrow, and suddenly Ahsoka recognised him, under all the changes, all of his bitterness when he’d spoken of Anakin, it was still Obi-Wan, general of the Clone Wars, Jedi Master, her lineage. »This is no business for you, Ventress. Ahsoka might trust you, but alas, I do not.«  
  
Asajj turned to Ahsoka and she felt the bounty hunters anger surging. Ahsoka smiled apologetically. »I’ll be back soon, don’t worry.«   
Asajj huffed and Ahsoka saw the way her nose scrunched up. It sent a small tickle through into her stomach but Ahsoka dismissed the feeling. Now was no time for this.   
Asajj sat down heavily in a crooked chair and stared after her partner as she shut the door behind her.

  


Ahsoka marvelled at the situation. She’d never imagined experiencing this with any Jedi again, let alone Obi-Wan. She appreciated Ezra and Kanan to be sure, but there was an air around Obi-Wan that felt like _home_.  
  
The anger still simmered in the pit of her stomach as it always did these days, as did the bitter taste of betrayal and secrets. That he would keep himself secret from her, that he’d keep _Anakin_ a secret… the lies stung, but Obi-Wan was family. Seeing him again made her smile despite herself.   
  
»I’m happy that you’re not dead,« she said and nudged Obi-Wan’s shoulder as they walked together, slower now than they ever had during the Clone Wars. It was a comfortable sort of walk, not pressured by war or imminent death. It felt like the Temple had a lifetime ago.  
  
He looked at her, the same mirth in his eyes now as had been ever-present so many years ago. »Me too, little one. Me too.«   
Obi-Wan looked over the dune they’d been climbing. »Here, this’ll do.« The man stopped and leaned on a boulder, weariness painted in every movement.  
  
Ahsoka looked out onto the landscape, curious to see what secrets Tatooine held. Obi-Wan had brought her to a peak not too far from his hut, nothing but mountains and sand as far as the eye could see. The clear blue skies stretched out endlessly above them. The twin suns burned relentlessly though it was not yet noon.  
  
»I’m sorry, Ahsoka ,« Obi-Wan said quietly. »I'm sorry that I didn’t tell you, that I can’t help you, but I have good reasons to stay here.«  
  
As he sat there on a sun-bleached rock, with greying hair and sand-stained robes, looking ancient and broken, Ahsoka believed him.   
  
»That still doesn’t make it right,« she said and felt like a petulant child.  
  
Obi-Wan shook his head. »I know.«  
  
Ahsoka felt tears pressing on, her grief threatening to overpower her once again. She steeled herself. In the past few days, she’d shed enough tears for a lifetime. She turned from him and looked over the landscape.   
  
»Why did you bring me here?,« she asked, careful to keep her voice from breaking.  
  
»Here,« Obi-Wan said as he handed her a pair of heavy binoculars. »Look near the darkened spot there,« he explained and pointed towards a distant blotch.  
  
Ahsoka found the target quickly. »It’s a farm of sorts, I suppose…?« she said. »There’s equipment, a few speeders, a woman and…,« Ahsoka paused as she studied the young man. A long moment passed and Ahsoka lowered the binoculars slowly. She looked at Obi-Wan, carefully taking in the sad tug at the edge of his mouth, the way he seemed to be weighed down by painful memories.   
  
»Who is he?,« Ahsoka asked, even as she had seen the set of the teenagers back, seen the curve of his jaw and knew what this planet had been to her Master decades ago.  
  
Obi-Wan looked in the direction of the farm and Ahsoka felt him reaching with the Force, out through the mountains and the sand-dunes. There was no danger here, nothing but the howling wind and the immense loneliness he carried on his shoulders. »Luke Skywalker,« Obi-Wan replied softly.  
  
»Padmé?,« Ahsoka said after a long moment, voice barely more than a whisper as the truth sank in.  
  
»Who else?,« the old man straightened his back and Ahsoka pretended not to see how shiny his eyes had gotten. »He’ll bring balance to the Force, even as his father could not. He’s why I stay.«  
  
Ahsoka lifted the binoculars again, taking in the young man and the way his blond hair fell into his eyes, the spring in his step as he fiddled with the equipment.   
He looked at home there, but even from this far away, Ahsoka thought she could feel the impatience in him, could feel the way his every movement radiated a wish to do _more_. _‘Anakin had been like that,’_ she thought as her throat tightened.  
  
»What if he fails?«, Ahsoka asked without tearing her eyes from the young man in the distance.   
Some missing piece of a puzzle that she didn't knew that she was trying to solve finally fell into place, fond memories of Bail and his daughter. She’d met the young woman a few times, and ever since she’d been a kid, Leia had possessed more grit and determination than anyone she’d ever seen — excepting maybe Anakin.   
»What if they both fail?,« she asked and looked at Obi-Wan.  
  
A tiny smile danced at the edges of Obi-Wan’s lips, and he released a breath of air in a huff. »You know. Of course you do. I’m not surprised really.« Obi-Wan stretched his legs and met Ahsoka’s gaze with gravity. »They can’t fail. They mustn’t. You must have hope.«  
  
Ahsoka shook her head in exasperation. This was all too much. This changed everything — and it changed nothing.   
Ahsoka felt her hands shake with emotion. »Hope? You’ve been hiding on this Force-forsaken planet for too long, old man,« she said with bared teeth. »People are dying out there, we can’t just sit around and hope that one of these kids can save us all because of some ancient kriffing prophecy!«  
  
»You must have hope, Ahsoka,« Obi-Wan repeated blithely, and bile rose in Ahsoka’s throat.  
  
With narrowed eyes she thrust the binoculars back at Obi-Wan. »I don’t have the luxury of _hope_ , I’m afraid.« Ahsoka shadowed the old man as he got up from his makeshift seat on the boulder. »You said you’d help me. This isn’t help. It’s fantasy.«  
  
Obi-Wan nodded, weariness lined his face, but Ahsoka felt no pity for him. He’d chosen his path. She would choose hers.   
  
»Very well, child. Master Qui-Gon has given me a few ideas that might be of interest to you.«  
  
‘ _Qui-Gon? Has he gone mad?_ ,’ Ahsoka thought, but swallowed the urge to get up and leave. Maybe there was still wisdom to be found here, despite it all.  
  
And so Obi-Wan started his tale and soon Ahsoka felt purpose burning through her veins once again.

 

* * *

 

As soon as they returned to the _Banshee_ , Ahsoka went to the cargo hold. She knelt down on the durasteel floor,. Asajj felt her ignore the bruises and the twinges of pain, the painful echoes of her fight with Vader.   
  
Ahsoka fell into a deep meditation and Asajj couldn’t help but worry. What had Kenobi _told_ her? What lies had he fed her?

  


»He gave you a _what_?,« Asajj asked flatly much later when Ahsoka had finally risen from her meditation. They sat in the cockpit, plotting the first hyperspace jump of many to get to the nearest major outpost. Asajj’s medical supplies had been all but emptied after Malachor, and she’d learnt early on that preparation was key to survival.  
  
»A holocron containing a starchart. Or well, fragments of one,« Ahsoka explained again, eyes alight with excitement, with purpose.   
  
»And… what exactly are you supposed to do with it?«  
  
Ahsoka rolled her eyes at her partner. »You’re being obnoxious on purpose. It’s not a flattering look on you, Asajj,« Ahsoka continued. She smoothed the front of her tunic, attempting to dust off the last bits of sand from Tatooine. A futile attempt. The dust had seeped into her clothes and Asajj could smell the dryness in the air. It made her nose itch.  
»Obi-Wan’s master, Qui-Gon Jinn, has been… communing with him from beyond the grave somehow. He was pretty big into obscure artifacts and ancient knowledge, and he had a very uh… hands-on approach. He went a lot of places that Jedi aren’t really supposed to go.«   
  
Asajj felt her disbelief bleeding onto her face and Ahsoka paused her tale to push at Asajj’s shoulder in annoyance. »Don’t make that face at me, it’s true! Master Jinn was a bit of a maverick, a bit like Vos if you will.«   
  
Asajj looked away and stared at her fingers instead. Even now, almost two decades later, the mention of Quinlan stung. »Kenobi being trained by a rogue Jedi would explain that stick up his ass, I suppose,« she said curtly.  
  
»Not rogue, exactly, he just went his own ways more often than not. On one of his travels he found a holocron,« Ahsoka gestured to the polyhedron lying on the dashboard in front of them.   
It was small, but Asajj did not doubt its power. It was made of glossy metal and exuded a quiet sort of power, nothing like the Sith holocrons Dooku had had in his possession. Those had been cold and gleaming. They had projected their intent with such intensity that it had been nauseating.   
Asajj felt sick just thinking about them. She’d never been present when Dooku had opened them, had never been deemed _worthy_ enough. Asajj had never been bitter about that slight. They’d made her skin crawl.  
  
This one though… It was different. It pulsated with power and knowledge, but she sensed no ill intent behind the power, no evil.   
  
Ahsoka continued, unaware of the flash of memory that made Asajj shudder. »Supposedly there was another Empire thousands of years ago and they wiped out a lot of the records of the time before they took over. Master Jinn said that he heard rumours of planets of immense power, of artifacts beyond anything the Jedi had seen for millennia.«  
  
There was a pause as Ahsoka wrinkled her brow, trying to find the words to explain. Asajj looked on, only half-way focusing on Ahsoka’s tale, instead taking in her partner as her montrals caught the lights from the passing stars, the way the white patterns on her skin shimmered. She was beautiful.   
  
»I’m not sure what exactly we’ll find…,« Ahsoka continued. »Master Jinn searched for some of these secrets and, I don’t know, somehow he became capable of talking with Obi-Wan again,« Ahsoka shrugged. »It could be anything, really, but Obi-Wan believes that it might be able to help us against the Emperor. Stars know that we need whatever help we can get.«  
  
Asajj cocked her head to the side and caught Ahsoka’s eye. »What about your Rebellion?«  
  
Unsure eyes met hers and Asajj could see that the decision was painful. »I don’t want to leave, especially not knowing that Anakin is still alive, but… the Rebellion is in a good state now, it’s solid for the first time. The leadership is doing well. Ezra and Kanan make a good team, and they can more than stand their ground against the Inquisitors, especially with the rest of the crew backing them. Obi-Wan will train Luke and Leia and…,« Ahsoka clenched her teeth and looked away. »I couldn’t sway Anakin on Malachor. I’m not sure, but I think I can make more of a difference following Obi-Wan’s lead.«  
  
Asajj leaned back into her seat and left the rest of the calculation of their next jump to the navi-computer. She stared out the star-streaked view-port. »So we’re going to the Unknown Regions then. With a fractured star-map that’s outdated by a few thousand years and on a dead Jedi’s lead, that’s brilliant. How exactly are we supposed to survive this?«  
  
»The Force will guide us,« Ahsoka said with certainty. Then she paused and Asajj looked at Ahsoka. Worry creased Ahsoka’s eyes now and a sad smile lingered on her lips. »I… I don’t expect you to come with me, Asajj, this might take a long time, and it’ll be dangerous. I can’t ask you to do this.«  
  
The bounty hunter pondered this for a moment. She’d leave behind her contacts, the bounties she’d taken on. Every fibre of her being screamed at her that this was foolish, that it was a terrible idea and nothing would come of it.   
Asajj certainly had no delusions of grandeur, no ambition to save the blasted Galaxy or overthrow governments. Besides, she and Ahsoka weren’t even truly that close, were they?   
Stilll… The thought of letting Ahsoka wander the Unknown Regions without someone to watch her back made her uncomfortable. In the end, the decision was easy to make.  
  
Asajj smirked at her companion as she leaned in closer, her lips a hair’s breadth from Ahsoka’s. »I wouldn’t miss it for the world, my dear.«


	8. Chapter 8

Ahsoka and Asajj spent the next few years in the Outer Rim, slowly assembling the rest of the fragmented map that Obi-Wan had given them. The holocron hummed softly as they stored new fragments in it. It was warm and reassuring and Ahsoka took to carrying it with her when they left the ship. It was better to not leave such a powerful artifact lying around, she reasoned.  
  
They charted what they could from ancient star-maps scavenged from merchants and collectors, bought with labour or traded for parts. Sometimes even stolen, much to Ahsoka’s displeasure. Still, the mission came first, and she had survived too much to let a bit of theft stop her.  
Other fragments they sought for themselves, digging deep into forgotten cities and while the work was frustrating and slow-going, Ahsoka found it to be cathartic. Meditative even.  
  
It was strange, Ahsoka thought one day, she hadn’t imagined that living and working with Asajj would be this smooth. She’d half expected the woman to kick her off of the _Banshee_ after a few weeks following a raging argument, but… somehow it worked.  
The two women had known each other for two decades and both were acutely aware that the other needed their space.  
  
Ahsoka was careful to keep her emotions in check, even as they lay with intertwined limbs in the too-small bed.  
If she was being honest with herself, this wasn’t everything she wanted. It didn’t matter. This worked. There was no reason to jeopardise everything just because Ahsoka wanted more than Asajj would be willing to give.  
And if she kissed the crown of Asajj’s head in the moments before sleep overtook her, a kiss full of too much affection, well… Asajj didn’t need to know the unspoken ‘ _I love you_ ’ behind it.

 

They were in the Outer Rim when it happened, on a remote outpost on some Force-forsaken planet, making final preparations to leave known space behind. It was a day like any other they’d shared for the past three years.  
Ahsoka was checking their inventory while Asajj worked on a few minor reparations they’d been putting off. Their casual banter and stupid jokes made Ahsoka’s face ache from smiling.  
She smiled more these days than she had in the years since the Clone Wars. Ahsoka enjoyed it, but she couldn’t help but feel guilty that she was off gallivanting in the Outer Rim with her kind-of-girlfriend while other people suffered and died.  
The thought soured her mood, turned her somber. She knew that it wasn’t fair, knew that they were working towards a larger goal, but still… life wasn’t supposed to be this easy, this pleasant. When she voiced her concerns to Asajj, the bounty hunter just rolled her eyes and told Ahsoka to get to work.  
  
They felt the destruction of Alderaan though they did not know what it was.  
It was like a tangible thing, as a blow to the gut that stopped Ahsoka mid-sentence and shook them both.  
Asajj leaned on the nearest wall, dropping the hyperspanner with a loud clang, her pale skin turning whiter by the second.  
Ahsoka sank to her knees and clutched her midsection as she tried to understand the pain, the all-encompassing  _fear_  that swept over them both and then — a dark nothingness where the fear had been.   
  
»What the _kriff_ just happened?,« Ahsoka gasped through tears she hadn’t noticed she’d shed.  
  
Asajj shook her head violently and let out a groan. »I don’t… I’m not…« She trailed off, unable to think straight, but Ahsoka wasn’t listening. She stared into space as the void overtook her, as the immensity of the nothingness sank in.  
  
Asajj shook herself and let go of the panel she was holding so tightly that her fingertips had started bleeding.  
She lurched to Ahsoka’s side. »Ahsoka, we have to _go_ ,« Asajj implored her and took Ahsoka’s shaking hands in her own. »We can’t help them like this, we have to leave, you _know_ this!«  
  
Both of their hands were clammy and cold, Ahsoka noticed and focused on that feeling instead of the hollowness that she sensed from the Core. They knelt there for what felt like hours, clinging to each other, before Ahsoka nodded. »Alright. Let’s go.«

 

They were making a jump through hyperspace towards the Unknown Regions and the _Banshee_ was filled with tension.  
Asajj paced the ship incessantly, unable to sit still, while Ahsoka was deep in meditation in the sleeping area. She was trying desperately to distance herself from whatever had happened earlier, attempting to glean some hint of where their path would lead them, when she sensed his presence.  
The sound that escaped Ahsoka was primal and raw, torn from her chest with such force that it shook her from her state of meditation.  
  
»Obi-Wan,« she whispered and opened her eyes, not daring to believe it, even as she saw that it was true. His spirit was here, which could only mean —  
  
»Do not worry, little one. I chose this,« the spectre smiled at her, his every feature lined with calm.   
  
»What happened?,« Ahsoka asked with grief thickening her voice.   
  
A sad tinge surrounded Obi-Wan now, the calm still lingered but Ahsoka could sense his despair, even dulled and distant as it was. »Tarkin obliterated Alderaan. The entire planet is… Bail is gone.« The spectre paused and peered at Ahsoka with sad eyes. »Vader struck me down«   
  
Ahsoka wasn't sure when she'd gotten to her feet or when she had thrown the bed at the wall. Red bled into her vision and she became painfully aware of the tension in her muscles and the anger that was coming off of her in waves.  
  
Obi-Wan was still there, quiet and pale in his shimmering form and Ahsoka wished he would leave. Everything had been _good_ , it had been _easy_ , and though it wasn’t his fault, everything had changed in just a few hours.  
She sensed Asajj outside in the hallway, felt her lover carefully measure the situation and deciding to linger but not disturb. Could she sense Obi-Wan here as well? Could Obi-Wan sense her?  
  
Ahsoka waited for Obi-Wan to speak or for her anger to ebb away, whichever would come first, but the silence stretched into minutes. Finally she looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. »How could you make that choice?,« she asked, voice hoarse with emotion. »How could you let that happen?« ‘ _How could you abandon us_ ,’ hung unspoken between them.  
  
»Ahsoka,« he said and opened his arms as if offering himself up as a sacrificial lamb. »It was the only way. There is much you don't know.«   
  
Ahsoka stalked towards him with a raised finger, every muscle in her body taut with anger. »What about Luke? About Leia? You were supposed to teach them, you were supposed to take care of your ‘ _new hope_ _’_ as you called them!,« Ahsoka spat out the last words with venom. »What was the point of staying on Tatooine for all of those years if you throw it all away now?« _‘I just got you back,’_ she wanted to scream at him.  
  
His benevolent smile was infuriating and she knew that he had heard her voice waver in the end, knew that he heard what she wasn’t saying. »Rest easy, Ahsoka, all will be as the Force wills it,« he whispered as he faded away. »And be mindful of your feelings.«   
  
Fury filled Ahsoka. With a roar she turned and punched the wall, again and again, hard enough to make her fists bleed.  
It wasn’t until her breath hitched with sobs and she sank to her knees that she heard Asajj sidle into the room. She quietly walked up to Ahsoka and sank down besides her and quietly enveloped her in her arms. An uncharacteristic display of compassion, but one Ahsoka was grateful for. Ahsoka leaned into the hug, as the sobs wracked her body.


	9. Chapter 9

Worry gnawed at Ahsoka. It laid as a heavy blanket over the ship. Even here, thousands of light years away from the Core, Ahsoka worried about what was happening with the Rebellion, worried about not being able to help.   
Much to Asajj’s frustration, she couldn’t distract Ahsoka from her worries. It didn’t matter that they were already on a mission or that Asajj was with her, it wasn’t enough, nothing was never _enough_.   
Ahsoka would fret about the Rebellion, about her _friends_ , and often she would retreat to the cargo hold and spend her time meditating — alone. The _Banshee_ _’s_ cockpit felt cold and empty without Ahsoka’s laughter.  
The loneliness turned Asajj’s mood dark for months at a time. The years they’d spent in the Outer Rim had been tough, but they seemed so much sweeter now, much less complicated.  
  
Asajj knew that Obi-Wan spoke to Ahsoka sporadically. The Jedi was unhelpful as ever of course.   
He left Ahsoka with words filled with riddles, bringing vague news about the doings of the Rebellion. More often than not, they left Ahsoka more frustrated than before.   
She was quicker to anger whenever she’d spoken with Obi-Wan. It was worse than the endless meditation, Asajj thought. Ahsoka’s emotions were already at a constant boil, grief and turmoil constantly lurking beneath the surface. Whenever Obi-Wan talked to her, the old wounds were ripped up again and again.   
Asajj found herself wishing that the Jedi would leave them alone.   
  
Despite how unhelpful his words were, they did as he said — they trusted in the Force. Ahsoka plotted their path through asteroid-fields and solar storms with unshakable faith that the Force would guide them.   
  
Asajj looked at her with bafflement. She’d always viewed the Force as a tool, as a way to gain control. What Ahsoka did was the opposite, she let herself be used by the Force and _trusted_ it. Ahsoka had such ardent belief that, at the core of it, the Force would protect them, that it would lead them into safety.   
  
»How do you do it?,« Asajj asked one day after another smooth jump. »How do you _trust_ so much?«  
  
Ahsoka smiled mysteriously. »Jedi secret,« she joked, and Asajj rolled her eyes at her. »Obi-Wan told us to trust the Force. I have to trust that he’s right,« Ahsoka said more seriously. »I have to. Everything we’re hoping to do is tied to him, he wouldn’t lead us astray. I have to believe that.«  
  
Asajj shook her head at Ahsoka’s naivete, but she couldn’t deny that her courses _did_ keep them safe. After all, they never ended up in a gravity well, even if it had been a close call a few times.

  


The Force led them to planets like Asajj never had seen before.   
Planets with the softest moss Asajj had ever felt, moss that gently hummed when they stepped on it, vibrating through the Force and whispering stories from eons ago to whoever would listen.   
Planets of glass, hard and jagged, hiding glowing secrets beneath the surface, visible even from a thousand metres above.   
They stood awe-struck in the ruins of ancient civilisations that had risen and fallen thousands of years earlier, the ancient temples still standing unharmed as the day they’d been built.   
  
On some of these planets there were secrets they could carry away, small objects reminiscent of holocrons that projected a desire to be opened, to be used again. They took them and carried them reverently onto the _Banshee_ , breathing softly as the objects vibrated with pleasure and excitement.   
On one planet they felt at peace, immediately and completely. They breathed the air and saw each other in a different light. Everything seemed softer and kinder here than it usually did. They learnt ancient secrets without even trying and both revelled in the knowledge they gained, the power they both felt coursing through them.   
Only when they returned to the _Banshee_ , did they realise that they only remembered a fraction of what they’d learnt. They wouldn’t return, they both agreed reluctantly. It felt too much like a trap. If they returned, they feared they would never be able to separate themselves from the alluring promise of knowledge and peace.   
  


The strange sense of calm and serenity from the planet remained with them for months. It dwindled over time, but something remained between the two women, an understanding of each other that they hadn’t had before.  
It was a bit worrying, Asajj thought, how in sync they were now, how close. Everything was too easy. They’d travelled together for six years now but it had never been this effortless before.   
Maybe, Asajj contemplated in her darker moments, the universe was playing some cosmic trick on her, giving her a taste of this strange happiness only to snatch it away.   
  
Despite the cynic in her, Asajj wanted _more_. She wanted all of Ahsoka, body, spirit, and heart.   
More than once Asajj considered talking to Ahsoka, considered tearing down her mental walls and baring her feelings for Ahsoka to see. The thought haunted her but day after day she pushed it away. _‘Not yet,’_ she thought as she felt heat blooming in her chest when she looked at Ahsoka. The woman’s eyes crinkled with laughter and the gleam of her teeth made Asajj smile wider than she ever had before.  
  
The temptation persisted, an unshakable thought in the back of her mind. It would be easy, in a way, to stop hiding, to lay herself bare.   
It would be the most honest thing she had ever done. The thought sent a thrill into Asajj’s chest. To look into the deep blue of Ahsoka’s eyes and let her truly see what she meant to Asajj. Surely she wouldn’t turn Asajj away, surely they could have this too.  
  
‘ _Bravery_ ,’ she thought one day, and without thought, she started walking towards Ahsoka, sensing her partner’s location on the ship like a beacon.   
  
Kenobi was there. Asajj saw a glimpse of his non-corporeal form and recoiled. »The darkness is spreading,« the spectre said with a somber tone. »The twins are struggling.«  
  
»Should we return, Master?,« Asajj heard Ahsoka ask. She knelt in the middle of the room with her back to the doorway. »We could… _I_ could train them.«  
  
The spectre shook his head. »You cannot help the Skywalkers, Ahsoka. Persevere on your journey. Whatever you find… We will need it.«  
  
Asajj clenched her fists tightly. What was she doing? For Ahsoka, the mission came first, would always come first. Asajj _knew_ this and yet she’d been willing to risk it all. For nothing. _‘She would never choose me,’_ she thought bitterly as she leaned on the cold wall. _‘How could I be so blind.’_  
  
The temptation to enter the room remained despite it all. Asajj ignored it. Without a sound, she returned to their shared quarters and laid down on the bed. Asajj stared at the ceiling, counting the metal studs as she tried to repress her feelings of hurt and disgust. Disgust at herself and at the mindless sentiment that urged her on. She’d decided years ago to bury her feelings. There was no reason to change her mind now.

  
She made an effort to keep her distance from then on, to build her barriers stronger. The universe would try to put a wedge between them soon enough, but Asajj refused to let her emotions be the wedge. She buried her feelings deeper than she had before, and if she smiled a bit less for it, that was a small price to pay.


	10. Chapter 10

Their journey led them back into the Outer Rim, and both women sighed with relief. Knowing that their ancient maps wouldn’t accidentally lead them into a solar storm gave them a bit of respite. Ahsoka trusted in the Force, and Asajj trusted in Ahsoka, but reliable star-maps did provide a bit more confidence.  
  
The relief vanished even before they arrived at their destination. As soon as they entered the desolate star system, they both sensed that something was wrong.   
  
They landed on a red, barren planet, a planet that vibrated through the Force like nothing either of them had ever experienced before. It felt like a lure, beckoning as a siren song.   
Ahsoka and Asajj shared a look as they set the _Banshee_ down, worry and anticipation simmering in the air. The Dark Side was strong here. It felt like the entire planet had been drenched in Dark energy for eons.  
  
They’d searched countless planets, but something told them that this planet would be different.   
They stepped onto the landing ramp. »Maybe it’s like Dathomir,« Asajj wondered, voice hushed to a whisper. »The planet itself, feeding on Dark Side energy.«  
  
Ahsoka shrugged. »Possibly. Can’t say I’ve ever felt anything like this before.«   
A pause and then she asked, »Will you be alright?«, her words weighed with care.  
Asajj realised that she must be alight with the Force in this place. She had seen the Nightsisters, Mother Talzin especially, when the moons drew near and the energy in the air became almost physical, how their eyes had been illuminated with the Force and their skin had glowed with power. They had been beautiful and terrifying. The thought lightened Asajj’s mood.  
  
»Me?,« Asajj laughed, a full, throaty laugh that softened Ahsoka’s eyes. »I’m in no danger.«   
She smiled at Ahsoka, taking in the way her partner shook her head in exasperation, but her entire stance relaxed a fraction. »The Dark Side is already part of me, dear. I know the power it offers. I can handle it.« her smile turned thin and she looked up at Ahsoka. »You, on the other hand… you need to be careful, Ahsoka.«  
  
Ahsoka scoffed, voice darkening.. »I’ve seen what it does to people, and I want none of it.« Asajj was sure that Ahsoka could hear the lie in her own words.   
Ahsoka turned from Asajj’s concerned eyes and looked towards the cliffs nearby. »Come,« she said shortly and they started walking, their steps leaving small clouds of red dust behind them.

  
A while later, they stopped in a gigantic valley. The crumbling statues surrounding them, the jagged cliff-side, the ground, even the sky was red and dusty. Asajj shivered. Everywhere they looked, something called to them, promising power if they just open the doors, let the power in.  
  
»Do you sense it, Asajj?,« Ahsoka whispered almost reverently as the Force around them intensified. It wrapped itself around them like a shroud and the energy yearned for them to reach out.   
  
»It’s… like it has a mind of its own. It craves to be used, to be near us,« Asajj said softly.   
Ahsoka nodded with closed eyes, leaning into the warm energy as it drew even closer.  
  
»There must be a source nearby where it’s even stronger,« Ahsoka said and opened her eyes. She looked over the valley and the countless openings carved into the face of the cliffs. »That one,« she pointed towards the far end of the valley. »It leads to a larger structure underground.« She started walking without waiting for Asajj.  
  
When they entered the crypt, it became apparent that Ahsoka was right — there was a source. The Force felt stronger here than what they’d sensed from the other crypts. Both eager to find the source, they split up as they had done a thousand times before.  
  


Something was wrong, Asajj realised after a while. She had found a vault, half broken and crushed, but it had felt important somehow. It had called to her with the same yearning that they’d felt when they stood in the valley above.   
  
She was digging through a pile of ancient rubble, a shrine maybe, she'd thought, or a grave, and the sense of importance faded. As she cleared more and more rubble, her interest in the shrine disappeared entirely.   
Asajj sighed, turning her attention away from the failed dig. She looked up as if she had caught the scent of prey on a hunt, her luminous eyes darting across the empty vault. Something had changed.   
  
The whisper of the Dark Side had grown stronger, more centred in the distance. Asajj looked at the shrine and saw nothing but a pile of worthless rocks and dirt.   
»It was a trap,« she whispered and at the realisation she set off in a run, leaping over fallen pillars and making enough noise to set off the shyracks. With dread she was reminded of Malachor and its endless caverns and how she had so very nearly been too late to save Ahsoka. The thought spurred her to run even faster.   
  
With her heart pounding in her chest, Asajj skidded to a halt when she finally found Ahsoka. She stood in the middle of a large chamber deep underground. Ancient statues stood at the edges of the chamber, menacing and untouched by the passing of time.   
It was the energy in the room, that Asajj noticed however. Dark and primal and powerful beyond anything she’d ever felt. It had an edge to it that made Asajj’s blood run cold. _‘Wrong. Dangerous_ ,’ Asajj thought as the energy reached out for her with lazy tendrils. It wasn’t interested in her any longer, Asajj realised. It had already ensnared its target.  
Ahsoka stood as still as the statues, pale and unblinking, and with a disconcerting smile on her face.   
  
»We should leave,« Asajj said as she walked closer to Ahsoka. The swirling energy intensified the closer she got to Ahsoka. She didn't reply. She stared at the holocron in her hand and a small crackle of lightning sparked from her fingertips.   
  
Chills ran down Asajj’s spine. The lightning had been conjured without a thought, with no effort behind it. Even for Dooku the feat had required immense concentration, and here Ahsoka stood and played with the electric current as if it was water slipping through her fingers.  
Worse than that, the holocron now oozed of the same sickeningly feeling of unnatural cold and corruption that Dooku’s Sith holocrons had done so many years ago. Gone was the soft hum of benevolent knowledge that had accompanied them for year. Asajj cursed as she realised that it had been twisted, turned into a conduit for the dark Force-energy that resided on Moraband.   
  
Asajj grabbed Ahsoka by her shoulders and the energy wrapped itself around her, soft like velvet. »Ahsoka, we have to go!«   
  
»Why?« Ahsoka asked, face alight with excitement. »There's enough power here that we can tear the Emperor limb from limb. We can alter reality, make it so that the Empire never came to be in the first place!«  
  
The pressure in the chamber was building as Ahsoka spoke. The ground trembled and she thought she heard the rock crack beneath them. The ancient statues shook and started crumbling around them and Asajj’s instinct was to run, run as fast as she could away from this manic display of power, to get out while she still could.   
  
»Imagine, Asajj, we can bring back _everyone_!,« Ahsoka’s voice turned shrill as she laughed.   
Asajj let go of Ahsoka’s arms with a hiss. The lightning was spreading. It covered Ahsoka’s arms now, crackling and burning as her fingertips turned black. Ahsoka paid it no heed, she only smiled wider, a dangerous gleam in her eyes »We could save Anakin and Quinlan, and all of your sisters, wouldn’t you want that?«  
  
Asajj shook her head vigorously at Ahsoka’s words. »They’re dead, Ahsoka, they’re all dead, you can’t bring them back,« Asajj said though the words pained her.   
  
»But we can. Together we can wield this power,« Ahsoka curled her hand into a fist around the holocron and looked at Asajj, »and we can save the entire Galaxy.«  
  
»I don't give a damn about saving the Galaxy!,« Asajj shouted. She wanted to shake Ahsoka, wanted to drag her off this blasted planet and back to the stars.  
  
Ahsoka’s anger surged, and Asajj sensed the betrayal her lover felt at her words. The dark energy surrounded Asajj like steel now, tight and constricting, holding her in place. The tremors increased and Asajj wondered absently if the whole place would collapse on top of them.  
  
»Then why are you here? Why don't you just go hide on some backwater planet where the Empire will never find you?« Ahsoka snarled, face mere centimetres from Asajj, close enough that Asajj saw how the veins around her eyes were turning darker by the second, twisting her face into something cruel and vicious. The lightning licked at Ahsoka’s arms and Asajj could smell the flesh burning though Ahsoka did not feel the pain. Ahsoka turned with a sneer and started walking away.  
  
»Because I care about saving _you_ ,« Asajj shouted desperately at Ahsoka’s back. »Why in the blazes do you think I’m _here_?«  
  
Her words stopped Ahsoka dead in her tracks. Asajj could see her trying to compute the words through the veil of the Dark Side clouding her mind. »You… Why? Why do you care what happens to me?«  
  
The energy broke its iron grip on Asajj and she could move again. Breathing hard, Asajj stepped closer, close enough that she knew Ahsoka could feel her unsteady breath on her face, see the reddening of her cheeks.   
Asajj stared up at Ahsoka, defiance in the set of her mouth and speaking words that rang with truth. »You’re a fool, Ahsoka Tano, a blasted _fool._ I love you. Why else would I still be here?«  
  
Ahsoka stared at Asajj with wide eyes.   
  
_‘Bravery,’_ Asajj thought and she felt her heart skip a beat.  
  
Asajj held her breath as she let down the barriers in her mind, crumbled the mental walls she’d so carefully held in place for a decade.   
  
It was terrifying. Baring herself to another person so completely, removing the protective barrier when a swell of dark energy lay ready to swallow her whole went against her every instinct. It was the most frightening thing Asajj had ever done and she hated every second of it, she _hated_ it, and she desperately fought the urge to put her walls up again.   
  
But it was worth it.   
  
Asajj looked at Ahsoka with her soul laid bare, and she saw her partner stare back. Not the twisted creature that she had almost become, but _Ahsoka_.   
They stared at each other for a small eternity until Ahsoka slowly started lowering barriers of her own. Asajj almost crumbled with relief as she realised what lay hidden behind the walls.   
  
She loved her back.  
  
The earth tremors stopped suddenly, and Asajj heard the rock settle. The tendrils of energy slithered away as Ahsoka’s resolve strengthened. The remaining lightning at her fingertips extinguished itself with a faint pop. The holocron fell from Ahsoka’s fingers, burnt out and powerless, and Asajj stepped closer and pressed her lips to Ahsoka’s. They trembled against each other and a sob wracked Ahsoka’s body as she collapsed against Asajj.

  


Ahsoka lay awake for ages once they’d returned to the _Banshee._ They had left the accursed world of Moraband behind as quickly as they could. As they’d boarded, Asajj half-carrying her, Ahsoka had silently sworn an oath that she would never return here.   
  
Her body was tired, so incredibly tired but sleep would not come. Every atom of her body demanded her attention, and Ahsoka didn’t know how to let the sensations go.  
She could feel the exhaustion in her bones. Even the smallest movement was like moving through mud, slow and grating and endless.   
The skin around her eyes pulsated as if bruised and Ahsoka felt the blood pounding through her veins. She knew that they weren’t ordinary bruises. She’d seen the dark smudges and the tendrils springing from her eyes, and Ahsoka knew that this was another scar she would carry with her to the grave.  
The pain from where the lightning had charred her flesh was different. It didn’t hurt much, thankfully. Asajj had dabbed bacta on the burns and bandaged them with tender hands before telling her to rest. This was a different kind of pain. It made her feel hollow and fragile, as if she might shatter at a word. Ahsoka wasn’t used to feeling like this, she’d always been the reliable one, the one others looked to for strength.   
  
How had she come to this point? She’d been ready to toss away everything the Jedi had taught her, everything she stood for.   
  
Ahsoka lay in the darkness and pondered what she’d spent the last 25 years on. She’d always wanted to be kind and helpful and _good_ and instead she’d stood with dark power in her grasp and she hadn’t turned away. She had felt it surging through her, and for a moment she’d wanted all it had promised. She’d been willing to pay the price.   
  
The desire to accept had burned within her. Being able to wipe out the Emperor and his kriffing Empire, to stand above him and watch him realise that she had won. That despite everything he’d done and all of his schemes, he’d still lost to a _Jedi_. For a moment she’d believed that it would be worth it.  
  
_‘Pride_ ,’ she thought. _‘And selfishness.’_ She’d wanted so desperately to see Anakin again, to restore him from the abomination that he had become, to have him back by her side. The holocron in her grasp had whispered ‘ _of course, anything you want_ _’_ and she’d believed it She had envisioned it come true before her like it was nothing. Her dark desires had almost consumed her. They would have, if not for Asajj.  
  
Besides her, Asajj slept peacefully. She was wrapped in too many blankets and curled tightly around Ahsoka, and Ahsoka felt gratitude swelling. _‘How did she do it,’_ Ahsoka wondered. _‘How could she have been so deeply entrenched in the Dark Side, been through so much suffering and pain, and yet… she still emerged whole on the other side?’_  
  
Ahsoka sighed. For years she’d tried to pretend that she was fine, had tried to pretend that her mission was all she needed. It wasn’t.   
It hurt to accept, hurt to even think about. But she had to. She was Ahsoka Tano, child of the Clone Wars, and it wasn’t fair. The Jedi, the Clones, the friends she’d made during the war — every single person she’d known and loved growing up was gone, and nothing could replace them.   
She was no longer the child that had left the Order, though she often desperately wished herself back to that time.  
  
It was different now, that void, that hole in her heart where her anger and grief had originated. There was a bit of peace now where there had been nothing before. Ahsoka smiled to herself as she sank deeper into the mattress and felt Asajj shift.   
It wasn’t that anything had truly changed, not really. Still, with Asajj at her side in their curious partnership, Ahsoka thought that maybe she’d be alright after all.

 

* * *

 

When the Emperor died, it rippled through the Force. A great darkness dissipated, a veil they hadn’t been able to see lifted and Ahsoka felt as if she could breathe properly for the first time in her life.  
  
»They did it,« Ahsoka whispered, her features slack with awe as she realised what had happened. »They actually did it!«  
  
Ahsoka whooped with joy, and sprinted off to find Asajj. She found her partner sitting besides the hyperdrive, hydrospanner still in hand. She looked up at Ahsoka, astonishment painted on her face.   
  
»Did you feel it?,« Ahsoka asked with wide eyes.   
  
Asajj pushed herself from the floor and walked up to Ahsoka. »I’m not daft, you idiot, of course I felt it,« she said with a wide smile and kissed Ahsoka fervently, a kiss that was all joy and smiles and promises of the future.


	11. Epilogue

Luke felt them long before he saw them descending the walkway of a sleek ship on Yavin IV. He’d meditated in the Great Temple, felt the shimmer of change on the horizon, felt the darkness coming to Yavin IV. His trepidation had surged and he’d started planning for a million different possibilities and outcomes, one more grim than the other. He’d fought so hard, he wouldn’t let the tender beginnings of the New Jedi Order collapse.   
Old Ben had appeared before him then and calmed him. »Don’t worry,« he’d said with the cryptic smile. »Trust them.«  
  
They stood at the foot of the walkway when Luke approached them. A tall Togruta and a pale near-humanoid woman whose species he couldn’t place. Rattataki perhaps?   
He could sense the Dark Side churning beneath the surfaces of them both, a slow, simmering boil, but there was no indication of ill intent from either of them. Despite that… the amount of power he sensed from them made his hair stand on end.   
  
»Welcome to the New Jedi Order,« Luke said, careful to keep his tone friendly despite way they made his blood run cold. »I’m Luke Skywalker.«  
  
The Togruta looked at him with a smile that he didn’t understand. »I know. I’m glad to finally meet you, young Skywalker.«  
  
‘ _Friendly,_ _’_ Luke thought. »You’re Force-users, aren’t you? Are you Jedi?,« even as he said it, Luke could hear the hope in his voice, the thick _want_ for companionship, for others to carry this burden with him.   
  
They looked at him in unison, and Luke thought there was a strange togetherness about them. The pale one bared her teeth in a mockery of a smile. »No,« she said forcibly, her voice a low rasp that sent shivers down Luke’s spine.  
  
The Togruta stilled the other woman with a gentle hand on her shoulder. She turned her attention towards Luke again, and her blue eyes seemed to peer into his soul. He couldn’t help but notice the strange veins around her eyes. Touched by the Dark Side. »We’re not Jedi, young one,« she said not unkindly.  
  
A beat of silence followed as Luke’s heart sank. When Ben had told him to trust them… He had been so hopeful that they had been exiled Jedi like Yoda or Ben, come to help him restore the Jedi Order. »Are you Sith?,« Luke asked, preparing for the worst.  
  
»No,« the Togruta said with steel in her voice. »We’re neither. And both, in a sense.« She shook her head and Luke felt the weariness in her. »It’s… a very long story. We’re here to help, if we can. If you’ll let us.«  
  
Luke felt the crease between his eyebrows deepen with confusion. »You’re not Jedi, but you want to help me rebuild the Order?«  
  
»The Jedi Order is not worth restoring,« the Togruta said. Her blue eyes held his own for a beat before continuing. »Not as it was when it fell. We’ll help you build something better. We’ve gathered knowledge that hasn’t been heard of in Known Space for millennia.« She smiled a small smile, and the smaller woman rolled her eyes at her companion. »We have hope that you will prove worthy to wield it.«  
  
Luke shook his head in bewilderment. »You… I don’t understand enough to accept your offer of help. Will you come into the temple? I sense that you have much to tell me.«  
  
The two women nodded, and while Luke still felt apprehensive at the duo, a small hope was blooming in his chest that maybe, just maybe, this would prove fruitful.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [tread softly my dear [ARTWORK]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541375) by [wrennette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrennette/pseuds/wrennette)




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